Being part of a family unit is something that makes a big impact on children's lives, especially during the early years of their lives. It's where they get a sense of permanence, security and stability. A divorce shakes the basic foundation of a family and challenges childrens' sense of permanence. When couples go through a divorce, their children go through this as well. It would be helpful to give a divorce talk teens will understand. When you talk to your teen about divorce, it opens up avenues of communication that could lead to understanding and acceptance. Parents who talk teens divorce are more likely to help them adjust to the new situation faster.
How exactly do you talk to your teen about divorce? Here are a few suggestions:
1. Answer the "why" questions - One of the most difficult questions to answer is "why did you get divorced?" This is probably because there's usually no one clear reason why people get divorced. However, answering this question is one of the most important steps in helping your teen get reconciled with the fact that sometimes, people just can't live together even if they have tried everything to make the marriage work. It would help to give them age-appropriate information about specifically why you and your spouse want to get a divorce.
2. Explain the timeline - Many teens have no idea how divorces go. Giving them an idea of how long the process takes, when they can expect to be called in court and other things that they can expect can help them prepare emotionally.
3. Discuss living arrangements - This is probably one of the things that will weigh on teens' minds during their parents' divorce. Talking to them about where they will spend weekdays, weekends, holidays, birthdays, and more can be helpful in preparing them emotionally for the reality of the divorce. Not preparing them for this would make the adjustment to the new living arrangements a lot harder for them.
4. Assure them - Teens and children sometimes can't help themselves when they feel that it's their fault that their parents split up. Young children are especially susceptible to guilty feelings. It's best when parents proactively reassure their children that the divorce is not their fault.
5. Explain the divorce - The truth is that divorce is sometimes not a bad idea for some couples. Explaining this to your teens and telling them what you did to try and save the marriage could help.
6. Don't make promises hastily - When going through a divorce, it's generally a good idea to keep as much of your children's routine the same. Try to do this, although don't make promises that you cannot keep. Giving back a sense of normalcy to your teens can be quite a challenge and broken promises can strain an already strained relationship.
If you feel that your teen is not adjusting well at all to the divorce, it may be a good idea to have him/her talk to a counselor or a therapist.
How exactly do you talk to your teen about divorce? Here are a few suggestions:
1. Answer the "why" questions - One of the most difficult questions to answer is "why did you get divorced?" This is probably because there's usually no one clear reason why people get divorced. However, answering this question is one of the most important steps in helping your teen get reconciled with the fact that sometimes, people just can't live together even if they have tried everything to make the marriage work. It would help to give them age-appropriate information about specifically why you and your spouse want to get a divorce.
2. Explain the timeline - Many teens have no idea how divorces go. Giving them an idea of how long the process takes, when they can expect to be called in court and other things that they can expect can help them prepare emotionally.
3. Discuss living arrangements - This is probably one of the things that will weigh on teens' minds during their parents' divorce. Talking to them about where they will spend weekdays, weekends, holidays, birthdays, and more can be helpful in preparing them emotionally for the reality of the divorce. Not preparing them for this would make the adjustment to the new living arrangements a lot harder for them.
4. Assure them - Teens and children sometimes can't help themselves when they feel that it's their fault that their parents split up. Young children are especially susceptible to guilty feelings. It's best when parents proactively reassure their children that the divorce is not their fault.
5. Explain the divorce - The truth is that divorce is sometimes not a bad idea for some couples. Explaining this to your teens and telling them what you did to try and save the marriage could help.
6. Don't make promises hastily - When going through a divorce, it's generally a good idea to keep as much of your children's routine the same. Try to do this, although don't make promises that you cannot keep. Giving back a sense of normalcy to your teens can be quite a challenge and broken promises can strain an already strained relationship.
If you feel that your teen is not adjusting well at all to the divorce, it may be a good idea to have him/her talk to a counselor or a therapist.