People choose to end their lives for many reasons; most of them unnecessary and tragic.
Some people suffer from debilitating depression; others from schizophrenia.
There are those whose substance abuse has led them to hit rock-bottom.
There's another, perhaps less well-known cause of suicide, however, which I believe contributes significantly to the total number of cases each year.
This is suicide due to self-loathing.
Let me explain: If a child is raised with insufficient love, but instead in an atmosphere of contempt, their self-esteem fails to develop.
If their needs and feelings are continually dismissed, they are left believing that they are worthless, stupid, ugly or just plain bad.
Parents who neglect their children also fail to protect them from harm.
Neglected children have a much higher rate of serious accidents than the average child.
These children are also very likely to be preyed upon by molesters who capitalize on the lack of supervision and the children's obvious vulnerability.
Children internalize the verbal and non-verbal messages they receive from their parents and guardians, and these messages become the inner monologue which eventually guides their attitudes, beliefs and choices in life.
If the parental messages are loving and affirming, the inner monologue is encouraging, supportive and reassuring and becomes the positive adult ego.
If the messages are critical and rejecting, the inner monologue follows suit and is relentlessly demanding and undermining, with unreasonably high expectations and a constant barrage of put-downs.
It becomes not a constructive guide but rather, an "inner critic.
" The child who internalizes critical messages grows into an adult with a profound lack of entitlement to happiness or success, and a sense of despair over ever being able to be happy or fulfilled in life.
The negative inner voice never lets up, continually blaming and shaming the person, filling them with self-doubt, worthlessness and ultimately, self-loathing.
The tragedy is that all of this could have been prevented if the people who raised this child had been able to love them and give them the respect, support and protection they needed.
It's not just abuse which damages a child's fragile, developing psyche; an attitude of disinterest is enough to be devastating to their developing sense of self-worth.
Sadly, it's not that difficult to destroy a young person's self-esteem.
Reject them enough, belittle them; humiliate them enough and they will become filled with hurt and rage.
Sometimes this rage is externalized and the child grows into a violent adult, but more often than not, the angry feelings get turned inward.
The child grows into an adult filled with self-hatred.
Recently, I heard about a young person who had grown up with a critical, rejecting mother and a demanding, exploitative father.
This child of neglect and contempt took his own life because he felt utterly hopeless about ever amounting to anything.
He became convinced that he was more of a burden than an asset to his loved ones, and that everyone would be better off without him.
All this young man ever needed was to know that he was wanted and appreciated.
Things would have turned out much differently if he had been filled with hope and optimism rather than with self-loathing and despair.
Isn't it time for parents to see how powerfully even the most subtle messages affect their children? Isn't it time for parents to recognize how essential it is to show their children the unconditional love and acceptance they truly need? (C) Marcia Sirota MD 2010
Some people suffer from debilitating depression; others from schizophrenia.
There are those whose substance abuse has led them to hit rock-bottom.
There's another, perhaps less well-known cause of suicide, however, which I believe contributes significantly to the total number of cases each year.
This is suicide due to self-loathing.
Let me explain: If a child is raised with insufficient love, but instead in an atmosphere of contempt, their self-esteem fails to develop.
If their needs and feelings are continually dismissed, they are left believing that they are worthless, stupid, ugly or just plain bad.
Parents who neglect their children also fail to protect them from harm.
Neglected children have a much higher rate of serious accidents than the average child.
These children are also very likely to be preyed upon by molesters who capitalize on the lack of supervision and the children's obvious vulnerability.
Children internalize the verbal and non-verbal messages they receive from their parents and guardians, and these messages become the inner monologue which eventually guides their attitudes, beliefs and choices in life.
If the parental messages are loving and affirming, the inner monologue is encouraging, supportive and reassuring and becomes the positive adult ego.
If the messages are critical and rejecting, the inner monologue follows suit and is relentlessly demanding and undermining, with unreasonably high expectations and a constant barrage of put-downs.
It becomes not a constructive guide but rather, an "inner critic.
" The child who internalizes critical messages grows into an adult with a profound lack of entitlement to happiness or success, and a sense of despair over ever being able to be happy or fulfilled in life.
The negative inner voice never lets up, continually blaming and shaming the person, filling them with self-doubt, worthlessness and ultimately, self-loathing.
The tragedy is that all of this could have been prevented if the people who raised this child had been able to love them and give them the respect, support and protection they needed.
It's not just abuse which damages a child's fragile, developing psyche; an attitude of disinterest is enough to be devastating to their developing sense of self-worth.
Sadly, it's not that difficult to destroy a young person's self-esteem.
Reject them enough, belittle them; humiliate them enough and they will become filled with hurt and rage.
Sometimes this rage is externalized and the child grows into a violent adult, but more often than not, the angry feelings get turned inward.
The child grows into an adult filled with self-hatred.
Recently, I heard about a young person who had grown up with a critical, rejecting mother and a demanding, exploitative father.
This child of neglect and contempt took his own life because he felt utterly hopeless about ever amounting to anything.
He became convinced that he was more of a burden than an asset to his loved ones, and that everyone would be better off without him.
All this young man ever needed was to know that he was wanted and appreciated.
Things would have turned out much differently if he had been filled with hope and optimism rather than with self-loathing and despair.
Isn't it time for parents to see how powerfully even the most subtle messages affect their children? Isn't it time for parents to recognize how essential it is to show their children the unconditional love and acceptance they truly need? (C) Marcia Sirota MD 2010