Honestly Listening is NOT About You - Give Them Their Moment
As a Birth Ally we need to be part of the honestly listening group and remember that conversation between you and the expectant mothers before birth are most times just simple exchanges between two people.
When she goes into labor talking becomes a whole different animal! During labor you need to throw away your ego and just be honestly listening to what she has to say and just be there for her.
She is going through a very intense and mystical time and what she really needs from you is her space and your understanding of that fact.
Sometimes we assert our own position at every opening in a conversation.
This aggressive way of talking and listening will do away with a lot of the benefits that come with honest listening.
In particular, the birthing mother will not feel respected by you, their thinking and honest listening will become self-conscious, and they may even withhold important information out of caution or even worse...
out of anger.
So, to help you become better at honestly listening, make sure you wait until they finish making all their points before you speak.
Never interrupt, not even to agree with them, and above all don't jump in with your own suggestions before they explain what they have already done.
This includes being sensitive enough to stop yourself from doing many of the following:
Sometimes the first thing people bring up when they have something to say ISN'T the innermost point that they are trying to make, whether they conscious of it or not.
Honest listening will give the talker and the listener both a chance to become allies about what exactly is being said at that moment.
When she goes into labor talking becomes a whole different animal! During labor you need to throw away your ego and just be honestly listening to what she has to say and just be there for her.
She is going through a very intense and mystical time and what she really needs from you is her space and your understanding of that fact.
Sometimes we assert our own position at every opening in a conversation.
This aggressive way of talking and listening will do away with a lot of the benefits that come with honest listening.
In particular, the birthing mother will not feel respected by you, their thinking and honest listening will become self-conscious, and they may even withhold important information out of caution or even worse...
out of anger.
So, to help you become better at honestly listening, make sure you wait until they finish making all their points before you speak.
Never interrupt, not even to agree with them, and above all don't jump in with your own suggestions before they explain what they have already done.
This includes being sensitive enough to stop yourself from doing many of the following:
- Making disapproving facial expressions or even sounds.
- Trying to "overhaul" their problem with some swift plan of action.
- Giving them the third degree about their situation.
- Trying to make them understand that things aren't so bad.
- Criticizing them for getting in the situation (don't throw salt into the wound).
- Telling them how you would handle the situation (remember it's not about you!)
Sometimes the first thing people bring up when they have something to say ISN'T the innermost point that they are trying to make, whether they conscious of it or not.
Honest listening will give the talker and the listener both a chance to become allies about what exactly is being said at that moment.