One night I was sitting outside looking up at the stars after a very hectic day at my studio.
Many thoughts crossed my mind that night but there was one that was most prominent.
And I must admit this thought was uncomfortable because it became apparent that some of the students that I was working hard on coaching and teaching had ideas of fame and fortune way before they were ready to handle it.
Why was it uncomfortable you may ask, it was uncomfortable because it was obvious I was teaching students who wanted to leap instead of walk towards their dance goals.
Of course it's only natural for students to want to speed things up but it's also important as a teacher to help students understand that dance must be learned in its own time.
I think this is where negative experiences come from; dancers performing before they are ready.
With dance there are many venues and there are certain protocols with each venue that must be learned, "first.
" As teachers we share our own personal experiences from our journeys in dance and we shape and mold our curriculum accordingly.
This also means teaching etiquette along with instruction.
This being said, what do we do when we have an occasional student who wants fame more than she wants training or etiquette? What became apparent in class was an individual drive by a specific few to get ahead at all costs.
It's not always easy to see this as a teacher and sometimes a dancer can hide it quite well.
I can remember an instance when a student wanted me to perform with her but she wanted me to be a back up dancer for her.
What I was being asked to do was watch her teach a class up on a stage and follow her instruction.
I told her I supported her a hundred percent but that she should do the venue on her own.
It's tough knowing how to word your opinion and not hurt a students feelings.
If I would have been her back up dancer, the teacher-student relationship would have been lost forever because than she would have seen herself in my shoes.
My shoes fit only me and my size and besides that my shoes took years to wear in and get comfy.
Years of training students has blessed me with seeing a few dancers that were exceptional in our dance.
Some of them have gone on and are dancing and gracing our stages with their amazing talent even today.
Than there are those students that are exceptional but who go off thinking the world owes them.
The impatience of these dancers can be so costly.
One student in particular had great potential but she was impatient and wanted to dance everywhere immediately.
I was dancing at a restaurant at the time and would occasionally get calls for parties on the nights I was dancing.
So I sent her out in my stead to a few parties and requested that she give my card out if anyone asked for one since I was the contact person.
I found out that she gave out her cards and told the people to call her if they ever needed another dancer.
To some of you who are not acquainted with our dance etiquette, it is protocol to give out the card of the person who sent you to a job, especially if it is your teacher.
I don't ask for a percentage, I just ask my dancers to perform professionally and do a good job.
My student than became my competition after a few more gigs and I realized that not only was she taking money away from me but she was doing it right under my nose.
So I did what any decent teacher would do, I tried to kick myself in the pants and move on.
Dancing at restaurants can really give a dancer a chance to work on her form and technique.
Years ago I had a student night at a restaurant that allowed my girls to perform on Wednesdays.
It gave them a chance to experience dance in a public setting that was safe and welcoming.
I had a few students that really enjoyed dancing and danced most of the Wednesdays.
After awhile I noticed that some of these students started to come to class less and less yet they still insisted on dancing at the restaurant.
So I had to let them know that while I was proud of them, they had to continue with class so they could get in more training.
To my surprise one student told me that she was told by a customer that she was as good as the weekend dancers and why wasn't she dancing on the weekends? Come to find out this customer was her husband and he said this infront of their friends who all thought the same thing.
Yet not one of the friends or husband had come to a show on the weekends so they could actually see the difference between professional dancing and student dancing.
She insisted on auditioning for the weekend shows and wanted to be paid for her Wednesday performances.
What I had worked out for the girls was dinner and they kept their tips.
So I told her the decision for the weekends would be up to the owner not me but that I felt she wasn't ready for an audition.
She got angry and left my studio and didn't return but decided to go to the restaurant owner herself to get an audition.
I was informed by the owner that she came in and that he told her she was not ready for an audition because she needed more training.
She told him about what a "customer" had said and unfortunately this peaked his interest.
So he gave her an audition and I was asked to be there to give him my opinion of her performance.
Well as you can imagine I had plenty to say but I kept my cool and I went the night she was to audition.
Like I thought, she bombed and she was mortified.
It was a hard lesson for her to learn and for me to witness.
She left and I never saw her again and I found out through the grapevine that she stopped dancing.
There is not one teacher out there that ever wishes for this type of lesson on any student.
But sometimes the Universe has no choice but to show the harsh realities of what can happen when you lose your humility.
And as her teacher there was nothing more to be said.
Sometimes when you work well with your students it can be easy to forget the teacher-student relationship.
Let's face it our students are some of the coolest people on the planet and shows and venues can be a lot of work.
Having good help can make a huge difference in the outcome of a show.
The important thing is to make sure you don't bring in a student as an equal into a show before she has paid her dues with experience.
I learned this the hard way almost two years ago with a show that a dance friend and I collaborated on.
I brought in my student because she had a theatrical background.
She became the third producer of the show and that is when the problems began.
Once she became a producer our relationship changed and I noticed that the respect that she once had for me was slowly slipping away.
At the end of the production our relationship had taken a nose dive.
Unfortunately there was no going back to what I had established with her.
The one thing that I did was create my nemesis because I gave her a taste of what took me years to learn and understand.
Weeks later after the show premiered she wanted to take the show on the road and I had to say no.
I didn't do this to be mean, I did this because I felt she needed to do things on her own as I did so she could appreciate what it takes to earn her place in her community.
Without knowing it I gave her a false sense of authority that eventually was used on some of the other dancers to their chagrin.
Lessons like this one can take months to evaluate and reflect on.
Sometimes when I look back I feel like I lost something that can never be replaced but than life teaches us that we must continue on our path.
Looking back keeps us from seeing what is infront of us.
What can any teacher do when she has worked with a student and has shared with her all her hard earned knowledge and the student runs with her curriculum? This includes; choreography, style, and verbiage.
A wonderful mentor of mine, Romana Frasson taught me a lesson in teaching that I will never forget.
She said that I had to teach from experience and the heart in order for my students to believe in me.
Sometimes this can be a double edged sword.
Because when we put so much of our passion into our classes, we can lose ourselves in the lesson.
Once a student learns her teachers curriculum and has success with understanding the lessons and methodology, she than becomes the end result of a joint effort.
We hope that students take what they learn and carry on the message and training.
But sometimes what we thought we taught our students can get lost in agendas and issues.
This is a phenomenon that baffles me to no end.
I have dance friends who have taught students for years and all of a sudden I'll notice that the student is gone and there is no mention of ever studying with their former teacher.
It's almost as if the years of mentoring became lost and ended up on the way side of obscurity.
What these dancers don't understand is that they take away with them the years of experience their teacher gave to them.
At the same time do any of these students feel any loyalty after they leave?Looking back at some of the students who left my studio, I haven't heard a peep from them and I occasionally see them.
Sometimes we just have to let it be and know everybody is where they need to be.
This is one of those topics that can create a lot of emotional upheaval in many dancers.
I know it does with me.
And let's face it there are two sides to every point of view.
Only after I became a teacher did I finally understand what my teachers went through.
It took me sitting outside that one starry night thinking about my students to finally appreciate the role my former teachers played in my dance career.
Maybe once we appreciate what we have learned in our dance can we stand on our own two feet and say "Thank you" to all those teachers who helped make us what we are.
Than I thought to myself is it really this easy? What is the real problem when we teach students and the relationship goes sour?How can anybody know the true story of each dancer that walks into her studio or learns her choreography? If a student is willing to take a curriculum from a teacher and claim it as hers, than we have to look at what we are really dealing with.
What creates this phenomenon starts with principals and values kept aside at a young age.
If the home place is dysfunctional to start with for any student, than we end up dealing with the side effects that tickle down and materialize into various problems.
The signs aren't always easy to see until problems emerge.
But if we could understand better the characteristics of a student rival than we could prepare ourselves to cope with this dilemma.