Help! My 13-year-old frequently claims that she doesn't want to go to her father's house for visits or overnights. I'm at my wit's end. What do I do?

Visitation refusal or, in this case, reluctance, is not uncommon. Especially for teenagers who are enjoying a new sense of freedom, scheduled parenting time can begin to feel like an intrusion on their own schedule. And since your response will likely set the tone for all future reluctance, it's important to consider your words and actions carefully.

1. Ask yourself why. Why is your child reluctant to go? Is it as simple as having something else to do -- like an invitation to a friend's birthday party? Or is there more to it? Before you decide how to proceed, consider what you know about what may have sparked your child's sudden disinterest.
2. Consider your own feelings. Before you talk with your child about why she doesn't want to go, consider how you feel about the issue. Are you secretly glad? Suspicious that there's a real problem? Reluctant to change the schedule for your own reasons? Identifying how you feel about what your child is sharing with you will help you separate what you want -- either openly or subconsciously -- from what's best for your child and her ongoing relationship with her father.
3. Speak with your child. After you've considered what you know already -- about your child's feelings and your own -- sit down and ask your child what's really going on. From adjusting to a newly blended family to simply feeling like she has no friends over at dad's house, the reason behind her reluctance will help to inform your next steps.

1. Encourage your child to talk with your ex. This is a very important step for kids who are old enough to initiate their own conversation. Addressing the issue directly is the best way to foster positive communication habits -- which is exactly what you want for all of your child's relationships moving forward, including her relationship with her father. If she's nervous about asserting herself, offer to role play the conversation with her ahead of time so that she will feel more comfortable. And if there's a particular event your child wants to attend in lieu of the scheduled visit, suggest that she prepare an alternative solution such as rescheduling the visit or inviting dad to come along.
2. If appropriate, discuss the issue openly with your ex. Finally, if you enjoy a healthy co-parenting relationship with your ex, speak with him about your child's visitation refusal. Let him know that you've encouraged your child to speak with him directly and to find a solution to any issues contributing to her reluctance. At the same time, though, be careful not to take ownership of how your child feels. Letting them work through those issues together, even if it takes some time, will have a positive effect on their long-term relationship.