Is the carrot better than the stick? All the evidence points to it being better but some of us still persevere with the stick.
There is a highly successful friend of mine, with factories in several countries, who cannot enter his own living room, without pointing out all the flaws.
When his wife cooks him a beautiful meal, instead of thanking her graciously, he tells what she could have done better.
If you look at her lemon face, you just know how de-motivating it is.
I wonder why she persists in cooking him anything at all! How can we get this point across to our students and our own children? Praise rather than blame, acknowledge what is good far more often than draw attention to what is not so good.
Of course, modelling it yourself is a good way to begin.
Give recognition.
Encourage as much as you can.
But, as parent or as an educator, you are not the only influence a child is exposed to.
This is why you must choose your child's reading matter very carefully.
One story in particular from the 'Legends from the Altai' book highlights the importance of giving praise, not blame.
Not just because it feels better, but also because it actually changes the way people behave for the better.
The story is called 'Princess Maya's Plan' and it is a charming fable about the rewards of having a positive attitude to other people.
Princess Maya is the adopted daughter of King Argoz.
She was formerly a street child but has grown into a wise young girl.
She regularly compliments people with great sincerity.
One day she is talking to her brother, Prince Ultan, about a problem that Conall, one of the servants who is working in the kitchen, is having with his wife.
Both of them are arguing and are disrespectful of each other.
Princess Maya develops a plan and a potion (coloured water) for restoring the love they had between them when they first married.
As she says, and its true what happens in your life is 90% your attitude and 10% the events that occur.
To illustrate this, she tells her brother the story of two farmers.
One had a positive attitude and he grew a beautiful orchard.
The other only complained about the cost of the seeds.
Even plants need appreciation to grow.
The second farmer has to sell his farm eventually, as things are going so badly for him.
Guess who he sells it to? The first farmer buys it, and he makes a wonderful success of it.
Princess Maya tells Conall to start appreciating his wife.
To help with the process she gives him the 'potion', which in reality is only coloured water to put into their evening wine.
Of course it can't have a physical chemical effect, it's a placebo.
But it works because Conall believes in it.
He doesn't know what it is.
Maya gets Conall to change his behaviour by asking him to treat his wife as if she is already the woman of his dreams.
It's amazing what happens next.
Instead of the nagging shrew that he has become used to, he starts to treat her with respect, with care, appreciation and untimely with new found love.
She responds with different behaviour because she correspondingly feels cherished, loved, respected and appreciated again.
She starts taking care of the house which before she had left dirty and untidy.
She begins to go for long walks to lose the unwanted weight and starts taking care of her appearance again.
She wears make-up in an attempt to be attractive to him.
Magnificent and tasty meals and quality companionship follow and in no-time Conall gets the woman of his dreams and his wife gets the man she thought she would never see again.
This is the power of the mind in action.
By believing something possible, we start to influence outer events to fall in line with our expectations.
I only wish that my successful friend would learn to do this towards his wife.
If he doesn't, one day he may come home from one of his fine factories and find that she is not there...
Appreciate someone today and don't forget that the true magic potion is your mind and attitude towards life!
There is a highly successful friend of mine, with factories in several countries, who cannot enter his own living room, without pointing out all the flaws.
When his wife cooks him a beautiful meal, instead of thanking her graciously, he tells what she could have done better.
If you look at her lemon face, you just know how de-motivating it is.
I wonder why she persists in cooking him anything at all! How can we get this point across to our students and our own children? Praise rather than blame, acknowledge what is good far more often than draw attention to what is not so good.
Of course, modelling it yourself is a good way to begin.
Give recognition.
Encourage as much as you can.
But, as parent or as an educator, you are not the only influence a child is exposed to.
This is why you must choose your child's reading matter very carefully.
One story in particular from the 'Legends from the Altai' book highlights the importance of giving praise, not blame.
Not just because it feels better, but also because it actually changes the way people behave for the better.
The story is called 'Princess Maya's Plan' and it is a charming fable about the rewards of having a positive attitude to other people.
Princess Maya is the adopted daughter of King Argoz.
She was formerly a street child but has grown into a wise young girl.
She regularly compliments people with great sincerity.
One day she is talking to her brother, Prince Ultan, about a problem that Conall, one of the servants who is working in the kitchen, is having with his wife.
Both of them are arguing and are disrespectful of each other.
Princess Maya develops a plan and a potion (coloured water) for restoring the love they had between them when they first married.
As she says, and its true what happens in your life is 90% your attitude and 10% the events that occur.
To illustrate this, she tells her brother the story of two farmers.
One had a positive attitude and he grew a beautiful orchard.
The other only complained about the cost of the seeds.
Even plants need appreciation to grow.
The second farmer has to sell his farm eventually, as things are going so badly for him.
Guess who he sells it to? The first farmer buys it, and he makes a wonderful success of it.
Princess Maya tells Conall to start appreciating his wife.
To help with the process she gives him the 'potion', which in reality is only coloured water to put into their evening wine.
Of course it can't have a physical chemical effect, it's a placebo.
But it works because Conall believes in it.
He doesn't know what it is.
Maya gets Conall to change his behaviour by asking him to treat his wife as if she is already the woman of his dreams.
It's amazing what happens next.
Instead of the nagging shrew that he has become used to, he starts to treat her with respect, with care, appreciation and untimely with new found love.
She responds with different behaviour because she correspondingly feels cherished, loved, respected and appreciated again.
She starts taking care of the house which before she had left dirty and untidy.
She begins to go for long walks to lose the unwanted weight and starts taking care of her appearance again.
She wears make-up in an attempt to be attractive to him.
Magnificent and tasty meals and quality companionship follow and in no-time Conall gets the woman of his dreams and his wife gets the man she thought she would never see again.
This is the power of the mind in action.
By believing something possible, we start to influence outer events to fall in line with our expectations.
I only wish that my successful friend would learn to do this towards his wife.
If he doesn't, one day he may come home from one of his fine factories and find that she is not there...
Appreciate someone today and don't forget that the true magic potion is your mind and attitude towards life!