There are few of us out there that are at peace when faced with a failure.
Failure is scary, embarrassing, sometimes expensive and can make "getting back up" more difficult with each additional failed attempt.
Hey! Feeling motivated and downright perky? Well, let's see if I can turn this article around a little and put a different spin on failure.
You have probably seen statements on failure that sound something like this: ·You never make the shots you don't take.
·Thomas Edison created 92 different versions of the light bulb before he made one that worked.
·The Chinese character for 'failure' also means 'opportunity'.
But this knowledge all sounds a little "pie in the sky" when you are the one who has failed.
Before I offer some constructive tool for dealing with failure, I'd like to emphasize that "failure" is self-defined.
What may appear to be a failure to everyone you know, may only mean to you that you need to refine the process, practice more, learn from your mistakes, etc.
Conversely, what may seem like no big deal to others, may seem devastating to you.
Regardless, if you identify a failure on your part, here are some things that may help lift your spirits enough to keep on plowing ahead: 1.
Mourn the failure.
It's rarely effective to try to fool yourself that you didn't goof.
When we deny a problem, it comes to life; when we acknowledge it, it dies.
By admitting you made a mistake, screwed-up, fell on your face, that it's not someone else's fault, only then can the process of getting over it begin.
Anger, crying, self-flagellation, brooding...
whatever your version of processing a negative emotion is, will allow you to mourn your disappointment in yourself.
NOTE: if you process negative emotion by eating for comfort, drinking or taking it out on others...
that's not processing emotion, but transferring it/avoiding it.
Do the work! Remember this famous saying "The only way out, is through.
" 2.
Dissect the cause.
Now that you have mentally and emotionally processed the pain of failing, let's look at what the cause of the failure may have been and how to avoid it in the future.
After all, learning from your mistake is just about the only silver lining.
Get Out of Your Head 1.
Journal.
Journaling is a great way to get the "monster" out of your head and onto something more manageable -paper.
Journaling is not the same as keeping a diary.
Journaling's purpose: When we keep our thoughts in our head, they become larger, more abstract, more intense.
By putting the thoughts on paper, you can read back your notes and see that things aren't quite as bad as you thought (though they will still be bad, as this is a failure, not a success!).
To journal, just take your thoughts and write them ALL down.
Don't edit yourself, worry about spelling or punctuation, or that another will see it.
A journaling session may read like: "Today I really blew it.
I am so embarrassed and frankly I am a little worried about my job security.
I wish I hadn't done it, but it's too late now.
Hey, it's cold in here.
Anyway, I would like to just stick my head in the sand and float away and never have to see anyone at work ever again.
The phone is ringing-I'm going to ignore it..
..
" and so on.
The rule of thumb for a proper journaling session is: write for three handwritten pages.
That's an 8.
5 x 11 page.
Write for the front and back of one page, and the front of another.
This is how long you need to really process the failure.
Handwritten is also a way to slow down and reflect and use the right and left sides of the brain.
There is a ton of research that suggests that writing gets everything involved-facts and emotions--as opposed to when you just type it all into a computer.
You may find that you even come up with some fixes (or at least get the courage to apologize or some other seemingly-impossible action).
It's not the purpose of journaling, but it is often a benefit.
Now for the real fun: Take the pieces of paper, light them on fire and flush them down the toilet Worried about starting a fire? You can just tear them up into tiny pieces and flush them instead.
The flushing of your troubles is great symbolism and ensures no one sees your thoughts.
Another variation: 1.
Talk to someone.
Make sure you respect and trust this individual or it may make matters worse.
A trusted confidante with a good head on their shoulders is invaluable.
What talking does, is takes the monster out of your head just like the journaling suggestion above.
Some of us are visual and would prefer to write it out (and may be more private than others).
Others are more verbal and also benefit from a different perspective.
Either way, you will get a better handle on the failure.
2.
Lather, rinse, repeat as needed.
Lather: mourn the failure (as in get in a lather) Rinse: cleanse your self mentally and emotionally by getting the failure into a manageable size (see "Get Out of Your Head") Repeat as needed: Or more accurately--DON'T repeat.
Promise yourself you'll learn from this mistake and not do it again.
Or really try to find what the reason for this failure may have been...
what lesson did you learn? What works best for me: 1.
When I feel like I have failed, I read a quote I have posted near me at all times: "This too shall pass.
" Trite? Take time to really think about the words you have heard so many times before.
The failure, the humiliation of the failure, will ultimately pass with time.
You will not and cannot stay in this moment.
Consider a failure from the past: doesn't it seem less important now? Maybe even funny? Or at least it got you to where you are today.
Can't deny that! 2.
Ask yourself, "In five years, will this really matter?" Works like a charm!! "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
" -Winston Churchill
Failure is scary, embarrassing, sometimes expensive and can make "getting back up" more difficult with each additional failed attempt.
Hey! Feeling motivated and downright perky? Well, let's see if I can turn this article around a little and put a different spin on failure.
You have probably seen statements on failure that sound something like this: ·You never make the shots you don't take.
·Thomas Edison created 92 different versions of the light bulb before he made one that worked.
·The Chinese character for 'failure' also means 'opportunity'.
But this knowledge all sounds a little "pie in the sky" when you are the one who has failed.
Before I offer some constructive tool for dealing with failure, I'd like to emphasize that "failure" is self-defined.
What may appear to be a failure to everyone you know, may only mean to you that you need to refine the process, practice more, learn from your mistakes, etc.
Conversely, what may seem like no big deal to others, may seem devastating to you.
Regardless, if you identify a failure on your part, here are some things that may help lift your spirits enough to keep on plowing ahead: 1.
Mourn the failure.
It's rarely effective to try to fool yourself that you didn't goof.
When we deny a problem, it comes to life; when we acknowledge it, it dies.
By admitting you made a mistake, screwed-up, fell on your face, that it's not someone else's fault, only then can the process of getting over it begin.
Anger, crying, self-flagellation, brooding...
whatever your version of processing a negative emotion is, will allow you to mourn your disappointment in yourself.
NOTE: if you process negative emotion by eating for comfort, drinking or taking it out on others...
that's not processing emotion, but transferring it/avoiding it.
Do the work! Remember this famous saying "The only way out, is through.
" 2.
Dissect the cause.
Now that you have mentally and emotionally processed the pain of failing, let's look at what the cause of the failure may have been and how to avoid it in the future.
After all, learning from your mistake is just about the only silver lining.
Get Out of Your Head 1.
Journal.
Journaling is a great way to get the "monster" out of your head and onto something more manageable -paper.
Journaling is not the same as keeping a diary.
Journaling's purpose: When we keep our thoughts in our head, they become larger, more abstract, more intense.
By putting the thoughts on paper, you can read back your notes and see that things aren't quite as bad as you thought (though they will still be bad, as this is a failure, not a success!).
To journal, just take your thoughts and write them ALL down.
Don't edit yourself, worry about spelling or punctuation, or that another will see it.
A journaling session may read like: "Today I really blew it.
I am so embarrassed and frankly I am a little worried about my job security.
I wish I hadn't done it, but it's too late now.
Hey, it's cold in here.
Anyway, I would like to just stick my head in the sand and float away and never have to see anyone at work ever again.
The phone is ringing-I'm going to ignore it..
..
" and so on.
The rule of thumb for a proper journaling session is: write for three handwritten pages.
That's an 8.
5 x 11 page.
Write for the front and back of one page, and the front of another.
This is how long you need to really process the failure.
Handwritten is also a way to slow down and reflect and use the right and left sides of the brain.
There is a ton of research that suggests that writing gets everything involved-facts and emotions--as opposed to when you just type it all into a computer.
You may find that you even come up with some fixes (or at least get the courage to apologize or some other seemingly-impossible action).
It's not the purpose of journaling, but it is often a benefit.
Now for the real fun: Take the pieces of paper, light them on fire and flush them down the toilet Worried about starting a fire? You can just tear them up into tiny pieces and flush them instead.
The flushing of your troubles is great symbolism and ensures no one sees your thoughts.
Another variation: 1.
Talk to someone.
Make sure you respect and trust this individual or it may make matters worse.
A trusted confidante with a good head on their shoulders is invaluable.
What talking does, is takes the monster out of your head just like the journaling suggestion above.
Some of us are visual and would prefer to write it out (and may be more private than others).
Others are more verbal and also benefit from a different perspective.
Either way, you will get a better handle on the failure.
2.
Lather, rinse, repeat as needed.
Lather: mourn the failure (as in get in a lather) Rinse: cleanse your self mentally and emotionally by getting the failure into a manageable size (see "Get Out of Your Head") Repeat as needed: Or more accurately--DON'T repeat.
Promise yourself you'll learn from this mistake and not do it again.
Or really try to find what the reason for this failure may have been...
what lesson did you learn? What works best for me: 1.
When I feel like I have failed, I read a quote I have posted near me at all times: "This too shall pass.
" Trite? Take time to really think about the words you have heard so many times before.
The failure, the humiliation of the failure, will ultimately pass with time.
You will not and cannot stay in this moment.
Consider a failure from the past: doesn't it seem less important now? Maybe even funny? Or at least it got you to where you are today.
Can't deny that! 2.
Ask yourself, "In five years, will this really matter?" Works like a charm!! "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
" -Winston Churchill