One of the greatest gifts we can give and receive in our lives is a straight "no".
The gift of rejection is that it provides clarity regarding where we are meant to be going, what we are meant to be doing, and who we are meant to be doing it with.
"No's" are so valuable in my life that I tend to only develop close friendships with people who can say 'no' easily - people who say "yes" when they don't truly feel like it create confusion both for themselves and the people around them.
So why is it that such a wonderful experience,that of being rejected, has become a thing that so many of us want to avoid? The reason why "no" has developed such a negative connotation is that we can tend to interpret it in unpleasant ways.
Instead of interpreting "no" as a gift of clarity and direction, we can interpret it as a judgment of who we are.
For example, "I'm not good enough, "I'm not worthy/lovable", "I'm a failure" etc.
When we are "fearing rejection" we are not fearing the rejection itself we are fearing what we think rejection will mean.
This is equally true for saying "no" to someone as it is to receiving a "no".
Being free to say "no" and receive "no" without fear is essential if we are to realise our potential and live the life of our dreams.
If you'd like to develop this skill practice the following: 1.
On a needs basis ask yourself what receiving or giving a "no" means.
Write a list and make a decision to let go any negative associations.
2.
Write an interpretation of rejection that makes it a desirable and enjoyable experience.
3.
When someone says "no" don't ask for or look for a reason - simply accept that it's not meant to be and move on with gratitude.
Saying 'no' in Parenting.
When we translate the gift of rejection into parenting this is truly a liberating experience for ourselves and our children.
One of the greatest traps I see parents get themselves into is trying to avoid saying no in order to keep their children or teens happy.
The key to transforming this situation is realising that the only person who is really in charge of your child's emotions is your child.
Once we accept that our child's emotions are their responsibility, it makes it far easier for us to say "no".
What our child does with that 'no' is up to them.
Only when we let go of trying to keep our children happy will they begin to learn that they are masters of their emotions in any situation - which is truly the ultimate gift we can give them.
To develop the skill of saying "No" happily to your children play with the following steps: 1.
Discover what limiting beliefs you have around saying "no" to your children - To do this grab a pen and a piece of paper and ask yourself: a.
What am I afraid will happen if I say "no"? b.
What do I think saying "no" to my children means? c.
Do the above beliefs serve me? d.
How will I and my family benefit from me being comfortable in saying no? 2.
When your children/teens make a request take a deep breath and check in with your intuition by asking, "How do I feel about this?" 3.
When you give your decision don't explain yourself - simply say it doesn't feel right.
If they want to discuss it further with you they can do so at a later time of your choosing.
The Liberated Parent [http://www.
theliberatedparent.
com] Online Course contains a number of resources, including parenting articles and videos, to help parents raise empowered kids.
The gift of rejection is that it provides clarity regarding where we are meant to be going, what we are meant to be doing, and who we are meant to be doing it with.
"No's" are so valuable in my life that I tend to only develop close friendships with people who can say 'no' easily - people who say "yes" when they don't truly feel like it create confusion both for themselves and the people around them.
So why is it that such a wonderful experience,that of being rejected, has become a thing that so many of us want to avoid? The reason why "no" has developed such a negative connotation is that we can tend to interpret it in unpleasant ways.
Instead of interpreting "no" as a gift of clarity and direction, we can interpret it as a judgment of who we are.
For example, "I'm not good enough, "I'm not worthy/lovable", "I'm a failure" etc.
When we are "fearing rejection" we are not fearing the rejection itself we are fearing what we think rejection will mean.
This is equally true for saying "no" to someone as it is to receiving a "no".
Being free to say "no" and receive "no" without fear is essential if we are to realise our potential and live the life of our dreams.
If you'd like to develop this skill practice the following: 1.
On a needs basis ask yourself what receiving or giving a "no" means.
Write a list and make a decision to let go any negative associations.
2.
Write an interpretation of rejection that makes it a desirable and enjoyable experience.
3.
When someone says "no" don't ask for or look for a reason - simply accept that it's not meant to be and move on with gratitude.
Saying 'no' in Parenting.
When we translate the gift of rejection into parenting this is truly a liberating experience for ourselves and our children.
One of the greatest traps I see parents get themselves into is trying to avoid saying no in order to keep their children or teens happy.
The key to transforming this situation is realising that the only person who is really in charge of your child's emotions is your child.
Once we accept that our child's emotions are their responsibility, it makes it far easier for us to say "no".
What our child does with that 'no' is up to them.
Only when we let go of trying to keep our children happy will they begin to learn that they are masters of their emotions in any situation - which is truly the ultimate gift we can give them.
To develop the skill of saying "No" happily to your children play with the following steps: 1.
Discover what limiting beliefs you have around saying "no" to your children - To do this grab a pen and a piece of paper and ask yourself: a.
What am I afraid will happen if I say "no"? b.
What do I think saying "no" to my children means? c.
Do the above beliefs serve me? d.
How will I and my family benefit from me being comfortable in saying no? 2.
When your children/teens make a request take a deep breath and check in with your intuition by asking, "How do I feel about this?" 3.
When you give your decision don't explain yourself - simply say it doesn't feel right.
If they want to discuss it further with you they can do so at a later time of your choosing.
The Liberated Parent [http://www.
theliberatedparent.
com] Online Course contains a number of resources, including parenting articles and videos, to help parents raise empowered kids.