It happens to all of us from time to time, and it can be very aggravating.
Somebody you trust or thought you had a good relation with does something to betray you or disrespect you.
If this person was a stranger, you could simply banish them from your reality and never have to deal with them again.
But that is not always practical if the person is part of your family or social circle.
Sometimes you have to forgive and forget or else the bitterness can cause you damage.
But bitterness and anger are powerful emotions that will take control of you if you don't have strategies for dealing with them.
I'm going to tell you about one strategy I've found very useful in overcoming or limiting my bitterness, anger, and dislike of people I have no choice but to interact with.
I first learned this strategy in self improvement guru Anthony Robbins' book Awaken The Giant Within.
To change your emotions you have to change what you focus on.
So when you are wrapped up in negative feelings towards another, change your focus by asking yourself "What do I respect about this person?" In all likelihood, your answer will be "Nothing!" That's ok.
But try again, this time changing the question to "What could you respect about this person if you wanted to?" This time you will likely think of something respectable about them.
Focus on that aspect of the person, and you will find yourself moving into a different, more positive emotional state.
The reason the second question is so powerful is that we often resist emotions that make us uncomfortable.
In this case, for example, being angry gives you the illusion of being more in control of the situation, so you resist giving up that anger and moving into a happier state.
You are comfortable with the anger.
But by asking the question hypothetically, as in "if you wanted to", you are removing the resistance because you don't have to personally take responsibility for whatever ideas you come up with about that person.
You are simply brainstorming hypothetically.
But the magic is that your emotions will follow your focus, so even though you are just thinking hypothetically, you are now focusing on something positive and your emotions will move into a more positive state.
Let's look at an example so you'll understand what I mean.
Let's say your mother is overprotective of you and can't stop trying to shelter you from the world even though you are a grown adult.
I know from personal experience that this can cause a lot of bitterness and frustration.
The primary thought person is "Stop trying to control me like a tyrant!" But then you ask yourself the question "What do I respect about my mother?" Maybe your answer is "Nothing! She needs to leave me alone" then rephrase the question, "What could you respect about her if you wanted to?" Then you will likely come up with something like "Well, she obviously loves me.
She wants me to be safe.
She's a caring person.
" That hypothetical brainstorming has changed your focus and your emotional state, and you probably have a bit more sympathy for her after asking yourself these questions.
That doesn't mean you have to accept her behaviour, but it can help you deal with it in a rational, positive way rather than degenerating into anger and bitterness that can harm the relationship and reduce your overall happiness.
Learning to control your emotional states can give you tremendous power over your life and yourself.
The above is just one practical example, but there are many other ways to take control of your emotions.
I highly recommend Anthony Robbins' book Awaken The Giant Within as a great source of practical strategies to help you achieve this.
Somebody you trust or thought you had a good relation with does something to betray you or disrespect you.
If this person was a stranger, you could simply banish them from your reality and never have to deal with them again.
But that is not always practical if the person is part of your family or social circle.
Sometimes you have to forgive and forget or else the bitterness can cause you damage.
But bitterness and anger are powerful emotions that will take control of you if you don't have strategies for dealing with them.
I'm going to tell you about one strategy I've found very useful in overcoming or limiting my bitterness, anger, and dislike of people I have no choice but to interact with.
I first learned this strategy in self improvement guru Anthony Robbins' book Awaken The Giant Within.
To change your emotions you have to change what you focus on.
So when you are wrapped up in negative feelings towards another, change your focus by asking yourself "What do I respect about this person?" In all likelihood, your answer will be "Nothing!" That's ok.
But try again, this time changing the question to "What could you respect about this person if you wanted to?" This time you will likely think of something respectable about them.
Focus on that aspect of the person, and you will find yourself moving into a different, more positive emotional state.
The reason the second question is so powerful is that we often resist emotions that make us uncomfortable.
In this case, for example, being angry gives you the illusion of being more in control of the situation, so you resist giving up that anger and moving into a happier state.
You are comfortable with the anger.
But by asking the question hypothetically, as in "if you wanted to", you are removing the resistance because you don't have to personally take responsibility for whatever ideas you come up with about that person.
You are simply brainstorming hypothetically.
But the magic is that your emotions will follow your focus, so even though you are just thinking hypothetically, you are now focusing on something positive and your emotions will move into a more positive state.
Let's look at an example so you'll understand what I mean.
Let's say your mother is overprotective of you and can't stop trying to shelter you from the world even though you are a grown adult.
I know from personal experience that this can cause a lot of bitterness and frustration.
The primary thought person is "Stop trying to control me like a tyrant!" But then you ask yourself the question "What do I respect about my mother?" Maybe your answer is "Nothing! She needs to leave me alone" then rephrase the question, "What could you respect about her if you wanted to?" Then you will likely come up with something like "Well, she obviously loves me.
She wants me to be safe.
She's a caring person.
" That hypothetical brainstorming has changed your focus and your emotional state, and you probably have a bit more sympathy for her after asking yourself these questions.
That doesn't mean you have to accept her behaviour, but it can help you deal with it in a rational, positive way rather than degenerating into anger and bitterness that can harm the relationship and reduce your overall happiness.
Learning to control your emotional states can give you tremendous power over your life and yourself.
The above is just one practical example, but there are many other ways to take control of your emotions.
I highly recommend Anthony Robbins' book Awaken The Giant Within as a great source of practical strategies to help you achieve this.