Stress Management - Stress Hot Button - When Your Control is Challenged, How to Handle Stress
The "I Need to Be in Control" Stress Hot Button If you are feeling out of control and angry, anxious or revengeful -- again! -- you probably have a stress hot button labeled "I need to be in control.
" What Not to Do and What to Do Instead for Stress Reduction: 1.
If another person challenges your authority and control -- such as subtly or openly disagreeing with you: Dig in and insist you are right.
Try to emotionally overpower or outmaneuver the other person.
Raise your voice to make your points.
In the end the only winner will be your skyrocketingblood pressure and stress level.
Instead, change how you think and talk to yourself: I can never truly control how another person (even my child) thinks and speaks.
I might prefer that we agree or do it my way, but I don't have to be right.
I am willing to listen as a neutral, objective observer.
I am willing to stay calm and just look at this.
As I listen and speak calmly, more creative solutions are bound to arise.
2.
If outer circumstances challenge your level of control -- such as a traffic accident ahead causing you to be an hour late: Cuss.
Get out of your car and stomp around impatiently.
Worry incessantly about how terrible it is that you're missing your meeting.
You will eventually arrive in mental and emotional disarray, frustrated and stressed.
Instead, switch your pattern of thinking and your inner self talk: I don't like this (weather, traffic tie up, disaster) at all, but the best thing I can do right now is stay calm and fully functional.
I am doing whatever I need to do to get help or be accountable (calling ahead to say I'll be late, putting a HELP note on the windshield, calling fire or police authorities).
I am consciously relaxing and staying alert so I can stay safe and arrive ready to participate in the remainder of the meeting.
I'll get there when I get there.
It will all work out fine.
3.
If an inner conflict challenges your level of control -- such as going on a diet, but gobbling chocolate.
Blame yourself as lacking will power and betraying yourself.
Call yourself names.
Renew your battle of wills with yourself over what you will eat.
Punishing yourself locks you in to the struggle between different parts of yourself with different needs.
Both parts lose and you are left struggling with a mountain of conflict and stress.
Instead, compassionately alter your inner discussion: OK, Honey (or your childhood nickname), we slipped up.
I forgive myself.
Let's do better next time.
Let's look at what we were needing when we ate that chocolate!Did we need comfort?Reassurance?Let's figure this out so we can cooperate better together.
I know you and I are on the same side, wanting to take good care of me.
When you accept what is going on (you don't have to like it!), when you observe with compassion and speak kindly to yourself, you alter your patterns of thinking.
This triggers positive emotions such as relief and relaxation instead of negative, stress hot button reactions.
Use these examples to springboard creative thinking about your unique stress hot buttons, and you'll soon be on your way with next steps for healthy stress management.
" What Not to Do and What to Do Instead for Stress Reduction: 1.
If another person challenges your authority and control -- such as subtly or openly disagreeing with you: Dig in and insist you are right.
Try to emotionally overpower or outmaneuver the other person.
Raise your voice to make your points.
In the end the only winner will be your skyrocketingblood pressure and stress level.
Instead, change how you think and talk to yourself: I can never truly control how another person (even my child) thinks and speaks.
I might prefer that we agree or do it my way, but I don't have to be right.
I am willing to listen as a neutral, objective observer.
I am willing to stay calm and just look at this.
As I listen and speak calmly, more creative solutions are bound to arise.
2.
If outer circumstances challenge your level of control -- such as a traffic accident ahead causing you to be an hour late: Cuss.
Get out of your car and stomp around impatiently.
Worry incessantly about how terrible it is that you're missing your meeting.
You will eventually arrive in mental and emotional disarray, frustrated and stressed.
Instead, switch your pattern of thinking and your inner self talk: I don't like this (weather, traffic tie up, disaster) at all, but the best thing I can do right now is stay calm and fully functional.
I am doing whatever I need to do to get help or be accountable (calling ahead to say I'll be late, putting a HELP note on the windshield, calling fire or police authorities).
I am consciously relaxing and staying alert so I can stay safe and arrive ready to participate in the remainder of the meeting.
I'll get there when I get there.
It will all work out fine.
3.
If an inner conflict challenges your level of control -- such as going on a diet, but gobbling chocolate.
Blame yourself as lacking will power and betraying yourself.
Call yourself names.
Renew your battle of wills with yourself over what you will eat.
Punishing yourself locks you in to the struggle between different parts of yourself with different needs.
Both parts lose and you are left struggling with a mountain of conflict and stress.
Instead, compassionately alter your inner discussion: OK, Honey (or your childhood nickname), we slipped up.
I forgive myself.
Let's do better next time.
Let's look at what we were needing when we ate that chocolate!Did we need comfort?Reassurance?Let's figure this out so we can cooperate better together.
I know you and I are on the same side, wanting to take good care of me.
When you accept what is going on (you don't have to like it!), when you observe with compassion and speak kindly to yourself, you alter your patterns of thinking.
This triggers positive emotions such as relief and relaxation instead of negative, stress hot button reactions.
Use these examples to springboard creative thinking about your unique stress hot buttons, and you'll soon be on your way with next steps for healthy stress management.