One Step More
A step-family story
"I'm not sure we are a bona fide family" Amy said " Do you think we are? Only I forgot to mention we're not married yet." She quickly ushered the journalist into the cosy sitting room of the thirties semi that Amy and Kelvin moved into nearly three years ago. A coal fire burned in the grate. The front room had a panoramic view of a major city nestling in a valley three miles away in the distance. "You see I'm Catholic and we're both into our second marriages, so it's been difficult to find someone to marry us. We both wanted to get married in church. Then we found the Methodists down the road; they're lovely. They didn't make us feel that we'd done anything wrong. I'm having an apricot wedding dress trimmed with Nottingham Lace I don't know id I'll fit in it on the day as I'm putting so much weight on." Amy thought for a moment "It's contentment I think."
The cause of the contentment - and a good deal else besides is Kelvin Kells a throw back to the un-modern men of the fifties who believes that, men should be men and women should be women and that both should be full-time parents - even if one is a step-parent.
Kelv has had his problems. As a teenager he got in with the wrong crowd and nearly ended up in jail. Instead, he did his growing up in the Army - they also taught him to read and write, as these had been low on his priorities at school. As he grew through his twenties, he discovered he had talent for working with animals and is now, at 37, studying to join the Ranger Service.
"I love animals" he says, making a passing mention of the dog bite scar on his face. I enjoy learning about them and looking after them when they are hurt. It's difficult sometimes as my lack of education holds me back. His hardest job though since meeting Amy, has been learning to become Kelvin the family man.
Amy and Kelv met at work. She had pulled herself up by her bootlaces after being left with Peter, four and six year old Lauren two years previously, by her politician husband. "All I wanted at 17 was a husband"; she said. "I just wish I'd developed my self earlier. Works been my save and grace. I actually did a teaching certificate last year so I can teach at college now. Kelvin was the driving force behind that". Sweetly, she reaches out and grabs his waiting hand. "When we met my self-image was pretty low and I couldn't believe he liked me as much as I liked him. But the real issue for me was the kids - no matter what I wanted I couldn't have taken up with anyone who I didn't trust with them".
"For someone to trust you with their children - that's the ultimate issue in a second marriage". Kelv said. " Amy had to trust my dealing with situations she couldn't deal with. There are situations when children need that fatherly touch. I remember one telling moment before I moved in. Peter, then eight, and I had a disagreement and he ran off down the road; I brought him back and he locked himself in the bathroom. There was Amy crying in one room, Lauren who had barely spoken three words to me so far, in another, and I felt like a complete ogre. Anyway, Peter came out and we all had a good talk: I told all three that I wanted to make a commitment to all of them. I said to Amy that if she didn't allow me to become the step-father then our relationship would have to go by the wayside".
Kelvin put his money where his mouth is and went to both sets of grandparents and the children's schools to say he was moving in and now he goes to school assemblies and masses and says he's as proud of the children as he would be if they were his own.
The children still argue with him, contradict him…and decided off their own bat, to call him Dad although they still have regular contact with their birth father.
Kelvin remembers Peter telling him that he loves him but loves his real Dad more. Lauren, who has remained a little stand-offish, said recently out of the blue "If anything happened to mum I want to stay here with you".
"I felt absolutely brilliant. It was like an accolade" Kelvin said with a broad smile.
Amy has given up a lot to be nearly married to Kelvin (in fact they get married next week). She's given up the space to be moody ("he won't let me"), going to bed at 9 o'clock whenever she feels like it ("going to bed at 10 is like losing a day in your life" he says) and the feeling of being in sole charge of the family. She's also given up worrying on her own about the kids and trying to be all things to them, and has taken on a great pile of love. "It's lovely" says Amy. And married or not, stepfather or birth father, the Amy/Kelvin family seems thoroughly bona fide.
Copyright 2011 Kenn Griffiths, All Rights Reserved.
About the author:
Kenn Griffiths is a writer, Investigator, Social worker and founder of the internationally acclaimed website http://www.mychildcontact.com
You are free to publish this article but do include our link.
A step-family story
"I'm not sure we are a bona fide family" Amy said " Do you think we are? Only I forgot to mention we're not married yet." She quickly ushered the journalist into the cosy sitting room of the thirties semi that Amy and Kelvin moved into nearly three years ago. A coal fire burned in the grate. The front room had a panoramic view of a major city nestling in a valley three miles away in the distance. "You see I'm Catholic and we're both into our second marriages, so it's been difficult to find someone to marry us. We both wanted to get married in church. Then we found the Methodists down the road; they're lovely. They didn't make us feel that we'd done anything wrong. I'm having an apricot wedding dress trimmed with Nottingham Lace I don't know id I'll fit in it on the day as I'm putting so much weight on." Amy thought for a moment "It's contentment I think."
The cause of the contentment - and a good deal else besides is Kelvin Kells a throw back to the un-modern men of the fifties who believes that, men should be men and women should be women and that both should be full-time parents - even if one is a step-parent.
Kelv has had his problems. As a teenager he got in with the wrong crowd and nearly ended up in jail. Instead, he did his growing up in the Army - they also taught him to read and write, as these had been low on his priorities at school. As he grew through his twenties, he discovered he had talent for working with animals and is now, at 37, studying to join the Ranger Service.
"I love animals" he says, making a passing mention of the dog bite scar on his face. I enjoy learning about them and looking after them when they are hurt. It's difficult sometimes as my lack of education holds me back. His hardest job though since meeting Amy, has been learning to become Kelvin the family man.
Amy and Kelv met at work. She had pulled herself up by her bootlaces after being left with Peter, four and six year old Lauren two years previously, by her politician husband. "All I wanted at 17 was a husband"; she said. "I just wish I'd developed my self earlier. Works been my save and grace. I actually did a teaching certificate last year so I can teach at college now. Kelvin was the driving force behind that". Sweetly, she reaches out and grabs his waiting hand. "When we met my self-image was pretty low and I couldn't believe he liked me as much as I liked him. But the real issue for me was the kids - no matter what I wanted I couldn't have taken up with anyone who I didn't trust with them".
"For someone to trust you with their children - that's the ultimate issue in a second marriage". Kelv said. " Amy had to trust my dealing with situations she couldn't deal with. There are situations when children need that fatherly touch. I remember one telling moment before I moved in. Peter, then eight, and I had a disagreement and he ran off down the road; I brought him back and he locked himself in the bathroom. There was Amy crying in one room, Lauren who had barely spoken three words to me so far, in another, and I felt like a complete ogre. Anyway, Peter came out and we all had a good talk: I told all three that I wanted to make a commitment to all of them. I said to Amy that if she didn't allow me to become the step-father then our relationship would have to go by the wayside".
Kelvin put his money where his mouth is and went to both sets of grandparents and the children's schools to say he was moving in and now he goes to school assemblies and masses and says he's as proud of the children as he would be if they were his own.
The children still argue with him, contradict him…and decided off their own bat, to call him Dad although they still have regular contact with their birth father.
Kelvin remembers Peter telling him that he loves him but loves his real Dad more. Lauren, who has remained a little stand-offish, said recently out of the blue "If anything happened to mum I want to stay here with you".
"I felt absolutely brilliant. It was like an accolade" Kelvin said with a broad smile.
Amy has given up a lot to be nearly married to Kelvin (in fact they get married next week). She's given up the space to be moody ("he won't let me"), going to bed at 9 o'clock whenever she feels like it ("going to bed at 10 is like losing a day in your life" he says) and the feeling of being in sole charge of the family. She's also given up worrying on her own about the kids and trying to be all things to them, and has taken on a great pile of love. "It's lovely" says Amy. And married or not, stepfather or birth father, the Amy/Kelvin family seems thoroughly bona fide.
Copyright 2011 Kenn Griffiths, All Rights Reserved.
About the author:
Kenn Griffiths is a writer, Investigator, Social worker and founder of the internationally acclaimed website http://www.mychildcontact.com
You are free to publish this article but do include our link.