Grandmothers should be remembered on Mother's Day. They are still mothers, even though their children are adults. Also, without them there would be no new crop of parents.

Mother's Day should not, however, devolve into a struggle, no matter how subtle, between older moms and younger moms. That's the kind of thing that can do irreparable harm to a family.

Personally I think that those moms who are still in the trenches should get primary consideration on Mother's Day.

If the kiddos want to serve their mom breakfast in bed, she should be able to enjoy her slightly burned toast in peace. If they want to take their mother out sans grandmothers, that should be okay, too. Still, at some point grandmothers should get a bit of recognition.

It's true we have Grandparents Day in September, but although it's a real holiday, it hasn't really caught on with many families. Mother's Day is the default holiday for honoring grandmothers.  Still, with multiple moms to honor, the logistics can be daunting. Imagine a family in which the children have a mom and a step-mom, plus two grandmothers and a great-grandmother and maybe a step-grandmother -- the mind boggles.

Maybe we should start celebrating Mother's Day for a weekend or an entire week instead of trying to cram everything into a single day. My family has several birthdays that fall around Mother's Day, so often we combine the birthdays with Mother's Day to create one giant celebration that takes place around that time, not necessarily on "the day."

Still, when Mother's Day rolls around, everyone is very aware that it is "the day," and every mother would like a phone call. I don't recommend that grandmothers sit and wait for it. Call and wish your daughters and daughters-in-law a happy Mother's Day and get your greetings in return. All you really want is to talk to your family members, right? It shouldn't matter who calls whom.

As for gifts, most of the grandmothers I know are good with flowers or a card. If they are given gifts, they  prefer sentimental gifts, like photographs of the grandchildren or something made by the grandchildren. I used to recommend gifts of books or music CDs, but digital downloads don't have the same panache. For many grandmothers, though, a Kindle or iTunes gift card is just the ticket.

It's also become popular to choose alternatives to traditional gifts. My children do this a lot. I've received gift certificates for massages and pedicures, theater tickets and passes to national and state parks. No one has yet given me sky-diving lessons. I think I would have to take that one back for a refund. 

Long-distance grandmothers often have to miss out on Mother's Day festivities. Many young families are diligent about sending a gift or flowers, but many others get caught up in their busy lives and forget, for which they should be forgiven.

The bottom line is that grandmothers deserve to be remembered on Mother's Day, but it's best not to have unrealistic expectations for the holiday. We should enjoy our families every single chance we get. I'm more likely to remember a really nice day in the park with my grandchildren than I am to remember a gift I was given, and a warm snuggle can be the most precious gift of all.