Chivalry: A Thing of the Past?
A research article (in €Psychology of Women') termed chivalry to be €benevolent sexism€. It says, €Benevolent sexism is using €he' to refer to an unknown person, helping a woman carry her shopping bags, or choosing to drive on long-distance journeys. It implies a woman cannot do these things without a man's help€. I do know women who find it condescending; they're independent, can €afford' their bill & are capable of doing stuff on their own. The article calls it paternalistic treatment, €a woman being cherished or protected by men'.
I am one woman who likes being protected & cherished by a man. There. I said it.
I've had men who opened doors for me, or waited for me to enter the lift, or let me go ahead first into a room, or pulled the chair, or paid the bill on our first meeting. I'm not offended when a man offers to carry a heavy shopping bag or stands like a china wall between me & an unruly crowd in a bus or a cinema hall. I've come out feeling good about the experience & nice about him. I'm a lady & would like to be treated like one. And if a man is man enough to do that, I'm impressed. For all my €modern€ ideas, I love feeling special & when a man does that, muah to him.
I remember once, Sathya, his friends, & I, had gone to this waterfalls place. And me being me, when I see a rock, I want to climb. It's like a dog wanting to piss whenever it sees a pole! I set off; excited, & started climbing a rock. I must've slipped a bit because I saw his hands stretching out to me. I reacted saying, €HOGO (Go ya) I know what I'm doing.€ He & his friends were amused; their instinctive reaction is to help a girl in a situation like this. He backed off & waited for me to join him at the top. And I did; on my own. At times like these, I don't need a man to do the €helping a damsel in distress€ drill. It's simply not required. It wasn't a social situation but an adventurous one. Formal situations are different. In a social set-up, if a man offers to get me a drink or a plate or a napkin or a chair, I find it endearing.
I don't necessarily expect a man to do all this. But if he does, & not just for me; but for any woman, young or old, irrespective of his romantic inclinations, I'd be pleased by the gesture. I appreciate men who do it naturally, without trying to make an impression. I don't know why feminists cry foul over this; after all, there are greater issues to fight for. This is not one of them. I don't think a man who pays the bill thinks you're a beggar & can't afford your food. Similarly, holding the door open for someone coming in after you is courtesy. And if a man sees me home at night it's because he wants to ensure I reach safely. That's no reason for a war of the genders.
I dislike women who try to impress an unsuspecting guy with their daintiness & trick him into being extra nice; the ones who pretend to be delicate darlings; those who walk all fragile & fairy-like when draped in a sari & expect a man to hold their pallu or purse or mobile or head; or those who drink water like its €amrith', one drop at a time; or those who eat meat like this is their 1st time (back home they'd devour an entire animal with just 1 hand) or€¦€¦you get the picture right? Pls don't try to be like a lady; if you are not, to hell with it. Jut be yourself, be whatever or whoever you're €" Tomb Raider, Cat woman, Kill Bill €" but don't fake being feminine just to extract chivalry from a gentleman & be treated like a VVIP at his expense.
Chivalry is simple courtesy. And it'd work both ways: if a man holds the door open for you, say a €thank you' in return. Chivalry & good manners should be in BOTH the genders. Wish the concept was not limited to the things men do for women but extended to include things that people do for €others'.
A research article (in €Psychology of Women') termed chivalry to be €benevolent sexism€. It says, €Benevolent sexism is using €he' to refer to an unknown person, helping a woman carry her shopping bags, or choosing to drive on long-distance journeys. It implies a woman cannot do these things without a man's help€. I do know women who find it condescending; they're independent, can €afford' their bill & are capable of doing stuff on their own. The article calls it paternalistic treatment, €a woman being cherished or protected by men'.
I am one woman who likes being protected & cherished by a man. There. I said it.
I've had men who opened doors for me, or waited for me to enter the lift, or let me go ahead first into a room, or pulled the chair, or paid the bill on our first meeting. I'm not offended when a man offers to carry a heavy shopping bag or stands like a china wall between me & an unruly crowd in a bus or a cinema hall. I've come out feeling good about the experience & nice about him. I'm a lady & would like to be treated like one. And if a man is man enough to do that, I'm impressed. For all my €modern€ ideas, I love feeling special & when a man does that, muah to him.
I remember once, Sathya, his friends, & I, had gone to this waterfalls place. And me being me, when I see a rock, I want to climb. It's like a dog wanting to piss whenever it sees a pole! I set off; excited, & started climbing a rock. I must've slipped a bit because I saw his hands stretching out to me. I reacted saying, €HOGO (Go ya) I know what I'm doing.€ He & his friends were amused; their instinctive reaction is to help a girl in a situation like this. He backed off & waited for me to join him at the top. And I did; on my own. At times like these, I don't need a man to do the €helping a damsel in distress€ drill. It's simply not required. It wasn't a social situation but an adventurous one. Formal situations are different. In a social set-up, if a man offers to get me a drink or a plate or a napkin or a chair, I find it endearing.
I don't necessarily expect a man to do all this. But if he does, & not just for me; but for any woman, young or old, irrespective of his romantic inclinations, I'd be pleased by the gesture. I appreciate men who do it naturally, without trying to make an impression. I don't know why feminists cry foul over this; after all, there are greater issues to fight for. This is not one of them. I don't think a man who pays the bill thinks you're a beggar & can't afford your food. Similarly, holding the door open for someone coming in after you is courtesy. And if a man sees me home at night it's because he wants to ensure I reach safely. That's no reason for a war of the genders.
I dislike women who try to impress an unsuspecting guy with their daintiness & trick him into being extra nice; the ones who pretend to be delicate darlings; those who walk all fragile & fairy-like when draped in a sari & expect a man to hold their pallu or purse or mobile or head; or those who drink water like its €amrith', one drop at a time; or those who eat meat like this is their 1st time (back home they'd devour an entire animal with just 1 hand) or€¦€¦you get the picture right? Pls don't try to be like a lady; if you are not, to hell with it. Jut be yourself, be whatever or whoever you're €" Tomb Raider, Cat woman, Kill Bill €" but don't fake being feminine just to extract chivalry from a gentleman & be treated like a VVIP at his expense.
Chivalry is simple courtesy. And it'd work both ways: if a man holds the door open for you, say a €thank you' in return. Chivalry & good manners should be in BOTH the genders. Wish the concept was not limited to the things men do for women but extended to include things that people do for €others'.