Wanting to have children is a natural though not universal impulse. So is wanting grandchildren, once a person has reached that stage in life. Although we're sometimes told that we need to hide our desire for grandchildren, being hungry for grandchildren is not something to be ashamed of. It is, however, a topic to be handled with care.
Signs and Symptoms
Symptoms of grandparent hunger may include these behaviors:
- When shopping, you find yourself in the infants' department instead of in shoes, which is where you were supposedly headed.
- If your child is unattached, you find yourself wanting to play matchmaker.
- You have a hard time being happy for your friends who are getting grandchildren. You put on a good front, but you can't deny your jealousy.
- You look at children, especially babies, with a renewed interest and strike up conversations with the parents.
What you don't do, if you're a smart parent, is bring up the subject. At least you don't bring it up often. If you've always been close to a son or daughter, there's no reason why having children can't be an occasional topic of conversation. Don't do it at family gatherings, or in any setting where your child might feel pressured.
Why are so many parents eager to become grandparents? The reasons are likely to be fairly simple.
The Biological Clock -- Ours
Most of us would like to be grandparents while we're able to be actively involved with our grandchildren.
When we hit forty, or fifty, or sixty and the knees start to go, or we start falling asleep in front of the television, we may wonder what kind of grandparent we will be by the time our children finally get around to it.
Turn this concern into a positive by dedicating, or re-dedicating, yourself to staying healthy. Get your check-ups. Lose some weight. Exercise. And remind yourself that you fell asleep in front of the TV as a young parent, too.
The Biological Clock -- Theirs
We hear so much about infertility these days that it's difficult not to worry. If a daughter or daughter-in-law puts off having children, will she be able to conceive? You may have heard the statistic that one in ten women has difficulty conceiving.
It's true that infertility is a problem for some couples, but there are more types of infertility treatment today than ever before. The most important clock is the readiness clock. If your children aren't ready to be parents, they shouldn't let anyone, not even you, pressure them into it.
Why Are They Waiting?
Besides simply not being ready, young couples often put off childbearing for other reasons:
- They want more education first. More and more jobs require specialized training or graduate degrees.
- They are worried about the effect that being a parent will have on their career trajectories.
- They want to be more financially secure before having children.
- They want to enjoy being a childless couple a little longer.
Give It Up
It's hard to give up the illusion that this is an issue over which we have some control. If we really want it, can't we make it happen?
The short answer is no, we can't. And we shouldn't even want to.
If you are hungry for grandchildren, perhaps you need to find something worthwhile to do. Volunteer work can add a lot of meaning to life. The Foster Grandparents program is one such option for those over 55. What about your own education? Isn't there something you always wanted to study? Family projects such as investigating your genealogy or organizing family photos can be engrossing and can be valuable for other family members.
The bottom line is that we're responsible for our own fulfillment and happiness. Then, if we do become grandparents, we'll be the very best ones possible.