The mom of my daughter's friend came to pick up the friend at our house.
As we were chatting she said "you have so many plants.
It must take a lot of time to water all of them.
" I told her that watering the plants was a chore that my daughter had chosen and that she does it on Sunday.
Since we only water once per week, I told her, we only have plants that can live that way.
When we went into the playroom to get the girls she said to my daughter "I heard you water the plants every week.
They look so healthy and beautiful.
You are doing a great job.
" I could see that my daughter was very proud of herself from the praise she had received from someone else's mom! This was the first unexpected benefit - that someone else would notice and praise my daughter's efforts.
While we often will tell our friends and family about times our children are not behaving and ask for advice on how to deal with those times, we don't often enough tell people about our child's success with taking care of household responsibilities.
I think we are missing a great opportunity to reinforce the behaviors we want to encourage in our children.
I was thrilled to tell the other mother that my daughter is responsible for the plants.
We went away for the weekend recently and I usually get to pack my bag and my daughter's.
This time, though, when I started to lay out my clothes, my daughter said to me "I want to use my suitcase and I will pack for both of us - just bring me your clothes.
" After I picked my jaw up from the floor, I watched my daughter fold everything neatly, hers and mine, and pack everything into the suitcase very precisely.
She had a spot for underwear and socks, a spot for pants and a place for bulkier items.
She got a lot of clothes into that small American Girl suitcase.
You can imagine how proud I was of her.
I told her "I like the way you folded the clothes so that you could fit so many into the suitcase so neatly.
" She was thrilled by the praise, and when we packed to return from being away, she again took on the packing responsibility.
Another unexpected benefit of her doing chores.
Later that week as my husband was taking her to the bus in the morning, he asked me if I was planning to get laundry done that day as he was almost out of socks.
I said that I had a dryer full of socks, underwear and towels ready to be folded.
My daughter said "save that for me for when I get home - I like folding towels and socks.
" Wow - another jaw-dropping moment! So what is my secret? Am I just one of those lucky moms who has a kid that wants to please? Not really - in fact, my daughter is a very challenging child.
My secret is that I believe in having children participate in the day to day chores of the household from a very young age.
We started with having her bring laundry to the washer when she was very young and, as she got older, added additional chores with increasing responsibility.
Another of my secrets is one of the rules in our house - she can't ask me if she can watch television, go on the computer or play a video game without first asking me if I need help with anything.
Sometimes, I don't need help, so she gets to go right to her fun activity.
But many times, I do need help - put the clean dishes away, let the dogs out or in, or fold clean laundry.
And she cheerfully (most of the time) takes care of the chore because she knows she will get to do her activity when she is done.
This system accomplishes some very important things - it encourages her to think of helping others before thinking of her own fun, lets her take responsibility for helping keep the household running, and it teaches her to delay gratification.
Studies have shown that children who have learned to delay gratification are more successful.
It also gives me the opportunity to give her task specific praise, thus reinforcing and encouraging behavior I want to see, and helping her build her self-esteem.
Look for my other articles on the benefits of having children do chores and come up with some responsibilities for your kids.
I'm sure you will have some great stories to share in no time!
As we were chatting she said "you have so many plants.
It must take a lot of time to water all of them.
" I told her that watering the plants was a chore that my daughter had chosen and that she does it on Sunday.
Since we only water once per week, I told her, we only have plants that can live that way.
When we went into the playroom to get the girls she said to my daughter "I heard you water the plants every week.
They look so healthy and beautiful.
You are doing a great job.
" I could see that my daughter was very proud of herself from the praise she had received from someone else's mom! This was the first unexpected benefit - that someone else would notice and praise my daughter's efforts.
While we often will tell our friends and family about times our children are not behaving and ask for advice on how to deal with those times, we don't often enough tell people about our child's success with taking care of household responsibilities.
I think we are missing a great opportunity to reinforce the behaviors we want to encourage in our children.
I was thrilled to tell the other mother that my daughter is responsible for the plants.
We went away for the weekend recently and I usually get to pack my bag and my daughter's.
This time, though, when I started to lay out my clothes, my daughter said to me "I want to use my suitcase and I will pack for both of us - just bring me your clothes.
" After I picked my jaw up from the floor, I watched my daughter fold everything neatly, hers and mine, and pack everything into the suitcase very precisely.
She had a spot for underwear and socks, a spot for pants and a place for bulkier items.
She got a lot of clothes into that small American Girl suitcase.
You can imagine how proud I was of her.
I told her "I like the way you folded the clothes so that you could fit so many into the suitcase so neatly.
" She was thrilled by the praise, and when we packed to return from being away, she again took on the packing responsibility.
Another unexpected benefit of her doing chores.
Later that week as my husband was taking her to the bus in the morning, he asked me if I was planning to get laundry done that day as he was almost out of socks.
I said that I had a dryer full of socks, underwear and towels ready to be folded.
My daughter said "save that for me for when I get home - I like folding towels and socks.
" Wow - another jaw-dropping moment! So what is my secret? Am I just one of those lucky moms who has a kid that wants to please? Not really - in fact, my daughter is a very challenging child.
My secret is that I believe in having children participate in the day to day chores of the household from a very young age.
We started with having her bring laundry to the washer when she was very young and, as she got older, added additional chores with increasing responsibility.
Another of my secrets is one of the rules in our house - she can't ask me if she can watch television, go on the computer or play a video game without first asking me if I need help with anything.
Sometimes, I don't need help, so she gets to go right to her fun activity.
But many times, I do need help - put the clean dishes away, let the dogs out or in, or fold clean laundry.
And she cheerfully (most of the time) takes care of the chore because she knows she will get to do her activity when she is done.
This system accomplishes some very important things - it encourages her to think of helping others before thinking of her own fun, lets her take responsibility for helping keep the household running, and it teaches her to delay gratification.
Studies have shown that children who have learned to delay gratification are more successful.
It also gives me the opportunity to give her task specific praise, thus reinforcing and encouraging behavior I want to see, and helping her build her self-esteem.
Look for my other articles on the benefits of having children do chores and come up with some responsibilities for your kids.
I'm sure you will have some great stories to share in no time!