You begin to notice that you have problems with different areas of life.
You discover that you do not live life, but rather cope with it.
Everyday living seems to be burdensome and difficult.
Even more alarming is the fact that you realize your emotional health isn't what it should be.
What's going on? Some people know immediately what the problem is.
Others reach awareness over time.
Lots of questions begin to surface in your mind.
They are questions that don't have a lot of answers.
I'm talking about the plight of those of us known as ACOAs - Adult Children Of Alcoholics.
I'm one of them.
Through this brief article I hope to share some things that I have realized and a few things that I have had to come to grips with.
It's not easy to accept the fact that I'm damaged.
But it is essential to begin the healing process.
If there is any more dominant fact that seems to stand out above anything else because of my childhood, I suppose it would be the overwhelming sense of how "behind" I feel in life.
It seems like I always have to catch up with my peers as far as emotional health goes.
I have to catch up to my chronological years because I was "frozen" in the developmental progress as a child in order to survive the trauma that was going on daily.
I have to guess at what "normal" is.
I have found myself lying about things in which there is no reason to.
I can't seem to maintain relationships, especially in the romantic area.
I feel like so many things were stolen from me.
But I also realize that I can't live the rest of my life letting what happened to me dominate my existence now.
I have to choose to move forward and not let the past win.
There is a place to grieve the loss.
I believe that grief is an essential aspect to healing.
If I go through life with the outlook that I'll always be picking up the pieces instead of contributing, then how I could grow from the experience probably will never be realized.
I realize that my father was a sick man.
To experience true healing I know that one of the first things that I need to do on my journey to recovery is to forgive him.
Otherwise I will never heal deep down to where the awareness of all the dynamics that make life work are in the context of relationships.
You discover that you do not live life, but rather cope with it.
Everyday living seems to be burdensome and difficult.
Even more alarming is the fact that you realize your emotional health isn't what it should be.
What's going on? Some people know immediately what the problem is.
Others reach awareness over time.
Lots of questions begin to surface in your mind.
They are questions that don't have a lot of answers.
I'm talking about the plight of those of us known as ACOAs - Adult Children Of Alcoholics.
I'm one of them.
Through this brief article I hope to share some things that I have realized and a few things that I have had to come to grips with.
It's not easy to accept the fact that I'm damaged.
But it is essential to begin the healing process.
If there is any more dominant fact that seems to stand out above anything else because of my childhood, I suppose it would be the overwhelming sense of how "behind" I feel in life.
It seems like I always have to catch up with my peers as far as emotional health goes.
I have to catch up to my chronological years because I was "frozen" in the developmental progress as a child in order to survive the trauma that was going on daily.
I have to guess at what "normal" is.
I have found myself lying about things in which there is no reason to.
I can't seem to maintain relationships, especially in the romantic area.
I feel like so many things were stolen from me.
But I also realize that I can't live the rest of my life letting what happened to me dominate my existence now.
I have to choose to move forward and not let the past win.
There is a place to grieve the loss.
I believe that grief is an essential aspect to healing.
If I go through life with the outlook that I'll always be picking up the pieces instead of contributing, then how I could grow from the experience probably will never be realized.
I realize that my father was a sick man.
To experience true healing I know that one of the first things that I need to do on my journey to recovery is to forgive him.
Otherwise I will never heal deep down to where the awareness of all the dynamics that make life work are in the context of relationships.