"As the twig is bent, so grows the tree.
" Edward Pope I've heard people say that you only get one chance per child with parenting.
I disagree.
As parents, we have countless opportunities to build up a child, but we have just as many opportunities to tear down a child.
In fact, most of us get over 18 years' worth of chances.
When you make mistakes (notice there is no "if"), it's okay, just acknowledge and correct them before it IS too late.
And, please don't give up just because your child is already a teenager.
Trust me on this: much can happen in a few years.
When I sent this post to my friend for review, she said I sounded harsh and should consider softening it a bit.
I thought about it...
And I'm sticking with the original.
If it sounds harsh, it's supposed to be - parenting is an enormous responsibility.
No, I'm not a counselor; I'm just a mom and a step-mom.
I've made my own parenting mistakes, and as shocking as it is, I had imperfect parents, too.
This post is not about telling you what you should or should not do-I'm simply writing the truth about what I've observed in abundance lately.
Now, when it comes to parenting mistakes, there's the obvious: Beating your kids, calling them good-for-nothing idiots, leasing them out to sweat-shops, having them "Super-Size" their meals, or forcing them to swallow Tabasco.
Then there is the less obvious, but possibly even more damaging: Parents not only refusing to hold their kids accountable for their own actions, but rescuing them when someone else does try to hold them accountable.
All you need to do is turn on any episode of the Bravo's Housewives series, Jersey Shores, or Toddlers & Tiaras and you'll see what happens when parents don't take this seriously.
But, sadly, don't we all know people in our own world like this? Train Up a Child...
Foolish Mothers, you raised needy daughters.
They don't trust their own thoughts and ideas because you taught them that they needed you for that.
So now they do.
They have learned that being a "mother" isn't as important as being a "friend".
They have friends, and you're one of them, but they have no mother.
They are bitter and lack forgiveness because you hold grudges and call it justice.
They involve their children in their private affairs because you involved them in yours.
They live lives of hypocrisy because you told them that doing wrong is only wrong if it's done to them.
They are selfish wives because you dominated their father.
In their minds husbands are necessities to put up with, not luxuries to devour and enjoy...
that's what boyfriends are for.
You showed them that, too.
They are lazy and dissatisfied because you never celebrated the rewards that come from hard work.
Deep down inside they long for wisdom.
They long for confidence...
they long for strength...
they long for self-esteem...
they long for peace.
But you took it all away.
Foolish Fathers, you raised weak daughters.
They depend solely on men but believe in their hearts they alone have built an empire.
They disrespect their husbands because they did not respect you.
They make excuses for their children because you looked away when they as children misbehaved.
They criticize and judge others because you made them believe they were perfect.
And when their perfection was threatened, you taught them to simply destroy the evidence rather than face the consequences.
They lack ownership because you taught them that it's okay to lie if they get in a pinch.
They are obsessed with the best because you told them they deserve nothing less than that.
They try to dominate over and withhold from the provider because they hate the fact that they are dependent.
In the end, they lose the thing they most fear losing: security.
Deep inside they know these truths...
And deep down inside they are afraid to be alone.
But because you told them they were blameless, they never look within.
They never forgive...
they never grow...
they never hope...
they never truly love.
Though you may be this Father, Mother, or Daughter, you will read this, but never see it.
Or you will see it but become indignant.
Conceal faults, reject truth, and shift blame...
You taught that...
you learned that.
You learned that...
you taught that.
That is your legacy.
"Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
" Proverbs 22:6
" Edward Pope I've heard people say that you only get one chance per child with parenting.
I disagree.
As parents, we have countless opportunities to build up a child, but we have just as many opportunities to tear down a child.
In fact, most of us get over 18 years' worth of chances.
When you make mistakes (notice there is no "if"), it's okay, just acknowledge and correct them before it IS too late.
And, please don't give up just because your child is already a teenager.
Trust me on this: much can happen in a few years.
When I sent this post to my friend for review, she said I sounded harsh and should consider softening it a bit.
I thought about it...
And I'm sticking with the original.
If it sounds harsh, it's supposed to be - parenting is an enormous responsibility.
No, I'm not a counselor; I'm just a mom and a step-mom.
I've made my own parenting mistakes, and as shocking as it is, I had imperfect parents, too.
This post is not about telling you what you should or should not do-I'm simply writing the truth about what I've observed in abundance lately.
Now, when it comes to parenting mistakes, there's the obvious: Beating your kids, calling them good-for-nothing idiots, leasing them out to sweat-shops, having them "Super-Size" their meals, or forcing them to swallow Tabasco.
Then there is the less obvious, but possibly even more damaging: Parents not only refusing to hold their kids accountable for their own actions, but rescuing them when someone else does try to hold them accountable.
All you need to do is turn on any episode of the Bravo's Housewives series, Jersey Shores, or Toddlers & Tiaras and you'll see what happens when parents don't take this seriously.
But, sadly, don't we all know people in our own world like this? Train Up a Child...
Foolish Mothers, you raised needy daughters.
They don't trust their own thoughts and ideas because you taught them that they needed you for that.
So now they do.
They have learned that being a "mother" isn't as important as being a "friend".
They have friends, and you're one of them, but they have no mother.
They are bitter and lack forgiveness because you hold grudges and call it justice.
They involve their children in their private affairs because you involved them in yours.
They live lives of hypocrisy because you told them that doing wrong is only wrong if it's done to them.
They are selfish wives because you dominated their father.
In their minds husbands are necessities to put up with, not luxuries to devour and enjoy...
that's what boyfriends are for.
You showed them that, too.
They are lazy and dissatisfied because you never celebrated the rewards that come from hard work.
Deep down inside they long for wisdom.
They long for confidence...
they long for strength...
they long for self-esteem...
they long for peace.
But you took it all away.
Foolish Fathers, you raised weak daughters.
They depend solely on men but believe in their hearts they alone have built an empire.
They disrespect their husbands because they did not respect you.
They make excuses for their children because you looked away when they as children misbehaved.
They criticize and judge others because you made them believe they were perfect.
And when their perfection was threatened, you taught them to simply destroy the evidence rather than face the consequences.
They lack ownership because you taught them that it's okay to lie if they get in a pinch.
They are obsessed with the best because you told them they deserve nothing less than that.
They try to dominate over and withhold from the provider because they hate the fact that they are dependent.
In the end, they lose the thing they most fear losing: security.
Deep inside they know these truths...
And deep down inside they are afraid to be alone.
But because you told them they were blameless, they never look within.
They never forgive...
they never grow...
they never hope...
they never truly love.
Though you may be this Father, Mother, or Daughter, you will read this, but never see it.
Or you will see it but become indignant.
Conceal faults, reject truth, and shift blame...
You taught that...
you learned that.
You learned that...
you taught that.
That is your legacy.
"Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
" Proverbs 22:6