Love won't work if you select the wrong partner.
There is a lot more to consider than just mutual attraction when it comes to determining whether another person is suited for you over the long term.
Before you get emotionally involved, be sure to evaluate your prospective love-partner based on compatibility, emotional maturity, romantic chemistry, and growth.
Otherwise, you'll be faced with a relationship that's not going to work for either of you.
The following ideas are designed to help an observant woman notice if she's dating a man who is a losing candidate for her love life: o STEER CLEAR OF MEN WITH DESTRUCTIVE HABITS.
If a prospective man has a chronic drug, alcohol, or gambling habit, then it would be prudent to avoid getting romantically involved with him.
Destructive habits control people's lives and the lives of those around them.
Many women have learned painful lessons by wasting their time, energy, and emotions on these poor love candidates.
o AVOID MEN WITH SERIOUS CHARACTER FLAWS.
Character is the foundation of every individual.
It is the result of hundreds of choices that a person has made which gradually molded them into the kind of person they are today.
Many women today are faced with increasing numbers of men whose character flaws create a very unstable foundation for love.
Character is something that takes time to develop and is solely the responsibility of each individual.
Therefore, a smart woman would be better off steering clear of men with major character flaws rather than getting involved and trying to change them.
o DON'T DATE MEN WHO DON'T HAVE ANY AMBITION.
To many women, this may not seem as severe as the other traits to avoid.
But just the same, a woman quickly tires of a man who lacks the ambition to maximize his potential.
This trait often leads to a lack of financial resources which is a major cause of stress in marriages.
A smart woman needs to differentiate between a man who is at peace with himself and one that is simply lazy and unmotivated.
The latter is the kind of man who starts to wear on a woman in an unpleasant way over time.
o DON'T DATE MEN WHO YOU'RE NOT ATTRACTED TO.
There is no substitute for high levels of chemistry or physical attraction as part of the mix of what a relationship offers.
If this chemistry doesn't come naturally after a reasonable period of time, then it is best to avoid getting more deeply involved.
Otherwise, you'll get stuck in a passionless relationship and this is not healthy or fulfilling for either partner.
o AVOID MEN WHO ARE MEAN-SPIRITED.
Women are often confused by a man who shows kindness in one moment and hostility the next.
It's common for women to focus on the good behavior in the beginning and ignore the negative things until after she's become emotionally attached.
When you associate with a man who is mean-spirited, it's only a matter of time before his general bitterness eventually gets redirected towards you.
o JUDGE MEN QUICKLY BY THE CROWD THEY RUN WITH.
This is a tough thing for many women to do.
For some reason, a woman wants to believe that her man is a lot different than his peers.
This goes against the more likely scenario that he is only showing you the sides that would appeal to you.
In reality, he is most likely to be a lot more like those men he has as friends and associates.
Consider this rather than solely evaluating the version of himself that he's trying to sell you on.
o DON'T GET ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED WITH MEN WHO CLASH WITH YOUR PERSONALITY.
Some people just don't seem to get along very well.
Instead of complementing each other with their mutual support, two people can clash on simple day-to-day issues, and bring out the worst in each other.
If you find yourself in one of these difficult relationships, it is much better to, at best, keep things limited.
Don't make the mistake of trying to create an expanded relationship by, for example, marrying a man who causes you emotional upsets on a consistent basis.
o SPOT LIFESTYLE MISMATCHES QUICKLY.
How we choose to live our lives is expressed in the clothes we wear, the music we play, the things we buy, the foods we love to eat, the words we speak, the dreams we hold dear, the friends we choose, and the activities we enjoy in our free time.
If we want to share a life with someone, it makes more sense to find a partner who matches our lifestyle habits rather than one who doesn't.
People with mismatching lifestyles may add color and variety to our lives, but usually they are best suited for a more limited relationship or friendship.
o LOOK OUT FOR VALUES CONFLICTS.
Values - such as courage, love, integrity, and family - are the ideals that we hold in the highest regard.
When two people don't share the same values, then deep upsets naturally occur in the relationship.
For example, I've heard from married women who complain about husbands who get drunk with their buddies instead of doing more responsible things for the marriage.
Such a value conflict between responsibility and fun would need to be discussed and resolved before resentment sets in.
As a woman in search of a new partner, it makes sense for you to avoid men who clearly don't have the same values as you do.
Values, which are really deep-rooted priorities, are not likely to change easily without the aid of significant emotional events.
o BEWARE OF THE MAN WITH NO RELATIONSHIP GOALS.
It's easy to be fooled by the man who insists that he loves kids, but only has the opportunity to show this trait when the children belong to someone else.
A smart woman needs to distinguish between a man who only talks about getting married and having a family and the man who would actually embrace the responsibility of following through.
Of course, other men say directly that they have no intention of starting a family and only express the desire to concentrate on their other personal goals.
A woman may be fooled into thinking that such a man will change in time, but later discover that his original relationship goals were deeply ingrained.
A smart woman will carefully gauge a man's priorities in life so that she is properly aligned with him.
Men who only want a limited kind of relationship are only good for women who want the same thing.
This is another example of where expecting other people to change is almost always a long-shot proposition.
By making a thorough examination of dating candidates, a smart woman can back the man who has the best chances of becoming a winner in her love life.
This process involves first weeding out the obvious losers and then concentrating on the potential winners.
THE BOTTOM LINE Dating sucks when you get involved romantically with the wrong man.
But dating rocks when there's a healthy love relationship brewing between two people with high levels of mutual attraction, compatibility, and emotional maturity.
It's great when you're truly good for each other!
There is a lot more to consider than just mutual attraction when it comes to determining whether another person is suited for you over the long term.
Before you get emotionally involved, be sure to evaluate your prospective love-partner based on compatibility, emotional maturity, romantic chemistry, and growth.
Otherwise, you'll be faced with a relationship that's not going to work for either of you.
The following ideas are designed to help an observant woman notice if she's dating a man who is a losing candidate for her love life: o STEER CLEAR OF MEN WITH DESTRUCTIVE HABITS.
If a prospective man has a chronic drug, alcohol, or gambling habit, then it would be prudent to avoid getting romantically involved with him.
Destructive habits control people's lives and the lives of those around them.
Many women have learned painful lessons by wasting their time, energy, and emotions on these poor love candidates.
o AVOID MEN WITH SERIOUS CHARACTER FLAWS.
Character is the foundation of every individual.
It is the result of hundreds of choices that a person has made which gradually molded them into the kind of person they are today.
Many women today are faced with increasing numbers of men whose character flaws create a very unstable foundation for love.
Character is something that takes time to develop and is solely the responsibility of each individual.
Therefore, a smart woman would be better off steering clear of men with major character flaws rather than getting involved and trying to change them.
o DON'T DATE MEN WHO DON'T HAVE ANY AMBITION.
To many women, this may not seem as severe as the other traits to avoid.
But just the same, a woman quickly tires of a man who lacks the ambition to maximize his potential.
This trait often leads to a lack of financial resources which is a major cause of stress in marriages.
A smart woman needs to differentiate between a man who is at peace with himself and one that is simply lazy and unmotivated.
The latter is the kind of man who starts to wear on a woman in an unpleasant way over time.
o DON'T DATE MEN WHO YOU'RE NOT ATTRACTED TO.
There is no substitute for high levels of chemistry or physical attraction as part of the mix of what a relationship offers.
If this chemistry doesn't come naturally after a reasonable period of time, then it is best to avoid getting more deeply involved.
Otherwise, you'll get stuck in a passionless relationship and this is not healthy or fulfilling for either partner.
o AVOID MEN WHO ARE MEAN-SPIRITED.
Women are often confused by a man who shows kindness in one moment and hostility the next.
It's common for women to focus on the good behavior in the beginning and ignore the negative things until after she's become emotionally attached.
When you associate with a man who is mean-spirited, it's only a matter of time before his general bitterness eventually gets redirected towards you.
o JUDGE MEN QUICKLY BY THE CROWD THEY RUN WITH.
This is a tough thing for many women to do.
For some reason, a woman wants to believe that her man is a lot different than his peers.
This goes against the more likely scenario that he is only showing you the sides that would appeal to you.
In reality, he is most likely to be a lot more like those men he has as friends and associates.
Consider this rather than solely evaluating the version of himself that he's trying to sell you on.
o DON'T GET ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED WITH MEN WHO CLASH WITH YOUR PERSONALITY.
Some people just don't seem to get along very well.
Instead of complementing each other with their mutual support, two people can clash on simple day-to-day issues, and bring out the worst in each other.
If you find yourself in one of these difficult relationships, it is much better to, at best, keep things limited.
Don't make the mistake of trying to create an expanded relationship by, for example, marrying a man who causes you emotional upsets on a consistent basis.
o SPOT LIFESTYLE MISMATCHES QUICKLY.
How we choose to live our lives is expressed in the clothes we wear, the music we play, the things we buy, the foods we love to eat, the words we speak, the dreams we hold dear, the friends we choose, and the activities we enjoy in our free time.
If we want to share a life with someone, it makes more sense to find a partner who matches our lifestyle habits rather than one who doesn't.
People with mismatching lifestyles may add color and variety to our lives, but usually they are best suited for a more limited relationship or friendship.
o LOOK OUT FOR VALUES CONFLICTS.
Values - such as courage, love, integrity, and family - are the ideals that we hold in the highest regard.
When two people don't share the same values, then deep upsets naturally occur in the relationship.
For example, I've heard from married women who complain about husbands who get drunk with their buddies instead of doing more responsible things for the marriage.
Such a value conflict between responsibility and fun would need to be discussed and resolved before resentment sets in.
As a woman in search of a new partner, it makes sense for you to avoid men who clearly don't have the same values as you do.
Values, which are really deep-rooted priorities, are not likely to change easily without the aid of significant emotional events.
o BEWARE OF THE MAN WITH NO RELATIONSHIP GOALS.
It's easy to be fooled by the man who insists that he loves kids, but only has the opportunity to show this trait when the children belong to someone else.
A smart woman needs to distinguish between a man who only talks about getting married and having a family and the man who would actually embrace the responsibility of following through.
Of course, other men say directly that they have no intention of starting a family and only express the desire to concentrate on their other personal goals.
A woman may be fooled into thinking that such a man will change in time, but later discover that his original relationship goals were deeply ingrained.
A smart woman will carefully gauge a man's priorities in life so that she is properly aligned with him.
Men who only want a limited kind of relationship are only good for women who want the same thing.
This is another example of where expecting other people to change is almost always a long-shot proposition.
By making a thorough examination of dating candidates, a smart woman can back the man who has the best chances of becoming a winner in her love life.
This process involves first weeding out the obvious losers and then concentrating on the potential winners.
THE BOTTOM LINE Dating sucks when you get involved romantically with the wrong man.
But dating rocks when there's a healthy love relationship brewing between two people with high levels of mutual attraction, compatibility, and emotional maturity.
It's great when you're truly good for each other!