I used to smack my children but now due to being divorced and having court orders in place I can no longer smack them.
So I have had to look at alternatives.
For three years now I have been raising four children without smacking them, so I guess I can tell you what has worked for me and what hasn't worked.
I think there are many parents that smack simply because they don't know any alternatives.
They simply smack out of frustration.
Whether or not I agree with smacking a child, you should never do it for the wrong reasons.
Sometimes children wind their parents up so that they feel like there is no alternative but to smack.
This definitely NOT the right time to administer a smack.
These are the things I have found work for me over the past three years: Time out in the laundry (I got that one from super nanny).
Don't use a bedroom as the child will have too much stimulation there.
A boring place is best and for me it was the laundry.
I would give my six year old six minutes sitting on the floor by herself.
Hard as it was, if she came out before her time was up I would start the time again.
She only did it a couple of times before she got the message.
I found that also my daughter would call out to me, so I had to make a new rule that if she called out to me, I would also start the time over again (I'm talking calling out every ten seconds here).
This seems to help my daughter and I no longer need to use this method.
I have a son who is crazy about balls.
He cannot walk through the house holding a ball without kicking it.
So, when he misbehaves, guess what I remove from him? His balls.
This is what he really misses.
It would not do me any good confiscating balls from his older brother who doesn't like balls anyway.
The item withdrawn must be something that they will sorely miss.
Grounding is OK.
I can recommend this from about age ten, depending on how social your child is.
If your child would prefer to stay at home every day and be on the computer, perhaps grounding isn't appropriate.
But losing computer time might be in that instance.
The key is to match the consequence as closely as possible to the bad choice.
Here are some more examples: Recently my 12 year old came home from school an hour late with no reason.
He had just decided to go to his friend's house after school without telling me he would be late home.
As a consequence he wasn't allowed to go to his friend's house for three days.
That consequence perfectly matches the bad choice.
By the way, he was extremely apologetic for not remembering to tell me he would be late home.
When my teenager asks to go out but his room is untidy, the answer is simply "no, you can't go because your room is untidy".
So, if he wants to go out he must first tidy his room.
Make a good choice, get a good consequence.
It is important for us to teach our children this concept as this is the way the real world operates.
So I have had to look at alternatives.
For three years now I have been raising four children without smacking them, so I guess I can tell you what has worked for me and what hasn't worked.
I think there are many parents that smack simply because they don't know any alternatives.
They simply smack out of frustration.
Whether or not I agree with smacking a child, you should never do it for the wrong reasons.
Sometimes children wind their parents up so that they feel like there is no alternative but to smack.
This definitely NOT the right time to administer a smack.
These are the things I have found work for me over the past three years: Time out in the laundry (I got that one from super nanny).
Don't use a bedroom as the child will have too much stimulation there.
A boring place is best and for me it was the laundry.
I would give my six year old six minutes sitting on the floor by herself.
Hard as it was, if she came out before her time was up I would start the time again.
She only did it a couple of times before she got the message.
I found that also my daughter would call out to me, so I had to make a new rule that if she called out to me, I would also start the time over again (I'm talking calling out every ten seconds here).
This seems to help my daughter and I no longer need to use this method.
I have a son who is crazy about balls.
He cannot walk through the house holding a ball without kicking it.
So, when he misbehaves, guess what I remove from him? His balls.
This is what he really misses.
It would not do me any good confiscating balls from his older brother who doesn't like balls anyway.
The item withdrawn must be something that they will sorely miss.
Grounding is OK.
I can recommend this from about age ten, depending on how social your child is.
If your child would prefer to stay at home every day and be on the computer, perhaps grounding isn't appropriate.
But losing computer time might be in that instance.
The key is to match the consequence as closely as possible to the bad choice.
Here are some more examples: Recently my 12 year old came home from school an hour late with no reason.
He had just decided to go to his friend's house after school without telling me he would be late home.
As a consequence he wasn't allowed to go to his friend's house for three days.
That consequence perfectly matches the bad choice.
By the way, he was extremely apologetic for not remembering to tell me he would be late home.
When my teenager asks to go out but his room is untidy, the answer is simply "no, you can't go because your room is untidy".
So, if he wants to go out he must first tidy his room.
Make a good choice, get a good consequence.
It is important for us to teach our children this concept as this is the way the real world operates.