"For two personalities to meet is like mixing two chemical substances: if there is any combination at all, both are transformed".
- Carl Jung If you're like most people this probably isn't the first time - and unfortunately may not be your last.
Right now, that means nothing.
We're talking about you - and not what everyone else did.
Overwhelming emotions and mixed feelings aren't making things any easier.
Mostly you're dealing with anger and resentment.
For some, it may be a source of relief.
This would surely be the case if the relationship is physically and verbally abusive.
Chances are that you saw this coming, but didn't know exactly what would happen to confirm your greatest fear and create the worst possible outcome.
In any case, you are by now sick of the emotional roller coaster and ready to jump off.
The anger, resentment, and disappointment translate into the wish for revenge.
Vengeful behavior is accomplished by intentionally punishing each other.
We tend to punish each other in many nasty and creative ways.
Verbal abuse and non-verbal abuse, in the form of avoidance, mannerisms, posturing, being distant or unavailable, the silent treatment, the carefree I don't care anymore thing, exaggerated behaviors - you know the ones.
Anything you can use to irritate and escalate the tension - the objective - to punish your opponent and win the war.
This typically results in both of you holding your heads down in shame and defeat, or else a loud, ugly display of arguing and fighting.
Kind of silly - but all too common.
After a brief time out to cool off, you attempt to assert yourself and prove who is right and wrong.
Stuck in the back and forth cycle of blame and how your partner has contributed to the feelings that were already hurt and ignored long before the inevitable breakup incident occurred.
Ultimately, you end up in a stalemate.
You're both right and both wrong.
Now you're actually getting somewhere.
This is your first opportunity to act on solid advice that is most often recommended.
Just let it happen.
Go along with it.
Check out for as long as you need.
Take the time to regroup - at least sleep on it - and come back to the issue after you've had a chance to absorb and review the facts without outside interference.
How you choose to spend this time will determine your success or failure in managing relationship problems from here on out.
You have the chance to evaluate your priorities and personal needs - as well as your partners.
Ask yourself if this is how you want your life to continue.
You can leave some of your older, unnecessary behaviors behind.
You can decide if the relationship is truly in both of your best interests.
If so, you will find new ways to manage conflicts, and learn how to accept each other for who you are - as well as who you are not.
Summary: The breakup happened, you went through the anger, denial, frustration, punishing each other, standing your ground, and reacted to each other to the point of realizing that the real issues were not even being addressed, and together getting nowhere fast.
This sequence of events, emotions, actions and reactions illustrate the most common thought processes of making assumptions and jumping to conclusions in a disorganized, confused, and reactionary manner.
This seemingly intuitive behavior functions as an internal defense mechanism, or guide - that activates when emotional trauma is triggered by events that threaten our familiar, secure and reliable routines.
This is usually in response to the pressure to manage family, jobs, finances, personal issues, and all the rest.
There are unique alternatives that you can learn and practice which will improve your ability to manage mutual relationship problems more effectively, and minimize the damage in the process.
Awareness of how behavior works can go a long way in your ability to adapt - and work toward a win-win situation.
There will always be problems you didn't see coming and have no control over.
It's how you manage and live with them to work together toward greater acceptance, compromise, or resolving them completely.
At the very least, you will appreciate the value in living without all the unnecessary drama and misery.
- Carl Jung If you're like most people this probably isn't the first time - and unfortunately may not be your last.
Right now, that means nothing.
We're talking about you - and not what everyone else did.
Overwhelming emotions and mixed feelings aren't making things any easier.
Mostly you're dealing with anger and resentment.
For some, it may be a source of relief.
This would surely be the case if the relationship is physically and verbally abusive.
Chances are that you saw this coming, but didn't know exactly what would happen to confirm your greatest fear and create the worst possible outcome.
In any case, you are by now sick of the emotional roller coaster and ready to jump off.
The anger, resentment, and disappointment translate into the wish for revenge.
Vengeful behavior is accomplished by intentionally punishing each other.
We tend to punish each other in many nasty and creative ways.
Verbal abuse and non-verbal abuse, in the form of avoidance, mannerisms, posturing, being distant or unavailable, the silent treatment, the carefree I don't care anymore thing, exaggerated behaviors - you know the ones.
Anything you can use to irritate and escalate the tension - the objective - to punish your opponent and win the war.
This typically results in both of you holding your heads down in shame and defeat, or else a loud, ugly display of arguing and fighting.
Kind of silly - but all too common.
After a brief time out to cool off, you attempt to assert yourself and prove who is right and wrong.
Stuck in the back and forth cycle of blame and how your partner has contributed to the feelings that were already hurt and ignored long before the inevitable breakup incident occurred.
Ultimately, you end up in a stalemate.
You're both right and both wrong.
Now you're actually getting somewhere.
This is your first opportunity to act on solid advice that is most often recommended.
Just let it happen.
Go along with it.
Check out for as long as you need.
Take the time to regroup - at least sleep on it - and come back to the issue after you've had a chance to absorb and review the facts without outside interference.
How you choose to spend this time will determine your success or failure in managing relationship problems from here on out.
You have the chance to evaluate your priorities and personal needs - as well as your partners.
Ask yourself if this is how you want your life to continue.
You can leave some of your older, unnecessary behaviors behind.
You can decide if the relationship is truly in both of your best interests.
If so, you will find new ways to manage conflicts, and learn how to accept each other for who you are - as well as who you are not.
Summary: The breakup happened, you went through the anger, denial, frustration, punishing each other, standing your ground, and reacted to each other to the point of realizing that the real issues were not even being addressed, and together getting nowhere fast.
This sequence of events, emotions, actions and reactions illustrate the most common thought processes of making assumptions and jumping to conclusions in a disorganized, confused, and reactionary manner.
This seemingly intuitive behavior functions as an internal defense mechanism, or guide - that activates when emotional trauma is triggered by events that threaten our familiar, secure and reliable routines.
This is usually in response to the pressure to manage family, jobs, finances, personal issues, and all the rest.
There are unique alternatives that you can learn and practice which will improve your ability to manage mutual relationship problems more effectively, and minimize the damage in the process.
Awareness of how behavior works can go a long way in your ability to adapt - and work toward a win-win situation.
There will always be problems you didn't see coming and have no control over.
It's how you manage and live with them to work together toward greater acceptance, compromise, or resolving them completely.
At the very least, you will appreciate the value in living without all the unnecessary drama and misery.