When dealing with intense singles, I am often reminded of the story about Za-za Gabor. It was while she was lying by the pool at the Beverly Hills Hotel. She kept staring at a handsome sun-bronzed gent on the other side of the pool. After a time his curiosity got the better of him. As he approached her he said, `Madam, you keep looking in my direction, have we perhaps met before?'

Za-za said, `Dahling you look very much like my eighth husband'.
`Really, madam!  Have you been married eight times?'
`No, dahling, only seven.'

Too often when single women and single men embark on a first date, their anticipation is too intense. They treat the dating experience more like a marriage proposal than a first meeting with a relative stranger. 

At Entre Nous, Professional Introduction Agency Melbourne, one single woman arrived to meet her date with a carefully prepared questionnaire. As her he related the story to me later, he admitted he ensured his answers would not meet her criteria. 

Another single woman we know asks each would-be suitor, as soon as he telephones, for the actual time of and date of birth. Men, in particular those who have no time for astrological beliefs find her queries quite off-putting. One fellow I know gives the stock reply to the question, `What is your star sign?', `Sorry it's not listed'. 

The intense single guy, who is earnestly looking for a wife to bear his children, makes up his mind within the first few minutes whether his date will make an ideal life partner.

Those who sail straight in with questions such as: What are you looking for in a life partner? What type of relationship are you seeking? What are your long term goals? are actually asking people to tell them their innermost secrets before they get to be close friends; let alone trusted. 

The workaholic and the fellow, who is insecure without an attachment, almost propose on the first evening. They probably had an eighty per cent chance of winning this woman if they had remembered to take it slowly. Nothing frightens a single woman off more quickly than the person who tries to put the cart before the horse.

There is nothing more disconcerting as a prospective partner who is too intense; too hell-bent on a serious relationship. Their mind is channelled into the their urgent needs, losing sight of the perspective; forgetting that it takes two to tango and that their date must be both agreeable and suitable. 

At Entre Nous, professional introduction agency Melbourne, we know when a client who has recently met a suitable partner telephones to enquire what type of relationship he or she is seeking, that they are jumping the gun. We can feel the `wedding bells syndrome' setting in after the first date. 

We advise the intense singles to treat each new date as the beginning of a friendship and the opportunity of increasing their circle of friends. But alas our advice often falls on deaf ears. 

One single guy who had several meetings with a delightful but intense, to the extreme, single woman described to me how he felt when he decided not to pursue relationship. He said, `She remembered everything I said verbatim, even things I had forgotten, tying me down explicitly.

The crunch came when I bade her goodbye one afternoon and made a detour on my way home. The phone was ringing as I walked in the door. Her first words to me were, "It couldn't have taken you that long to drive home". I felt smothered, as though I was living in a gold fish bowl'.

Her actions reminds me of the old saying, `Hell hath no fury like a widow seeking out a new lover'. 

We all know how wonderful and exciting an intense relationship can be, especially when both partners are enjoying the intensity, but when only one partner is feeling the heat, the fire will never burn. 

Treat each first date as the opportunity to make a new friend. Foster that friendship despite whether you feel chemistry or not. Form the habit of making friends, so that when Mr/Ms Right comes along, you have developed an easy manner with the opposite sex and there will be no possibility of blowing it with over-enthusiasm. 

All single people have preconceived ideas developed over time from previous experiences. Should your prospective partner be still suffering the effects, from a hot and cold relationship or an over-intense partner, your attitude could well drive him or her away. 

Remember, `A little wind kindles, much puts out the fire'.

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