The number one reason for divorce is financial problems, so why does it make sense for counselors to charge from $75 -$200 per hour to help you save your marriage? This is a hurdle that far too many couples are faced with.
I have dedicated myself to showing couples that there ARE other choices! Even if finances are not the problem your marriage is facing, there is something in this article to help you save or improve it.
I would never, ever tell someone "Don't get a counselor, you don't need one".
In fact counseling is the first thing I would suggest to anyone.
However I do realize that in some situations it can't or wont be done, so this article is for those in that situation.
After running into my own marital problems and friends and family doing the same, I've spent years doing a LOT of research in libraries and online for ways to help relationships no matter what the issue is.
What I found is there are basic rules to have in place for a strong marriage.
You MUST have these basic "ingredients" to have a healthy, happy marriage, and almost all marital problems come from missing one (or more)of these ingredients.
Open Communication.
The ideal for open communication is to have a time every day when you and your spouse can share with each other, but it needs to be done at least once a week.
Problems at work or home, good things that are happening, or even mundane little events can be shared and discussed.
This needs to be a time for calm, clear discussion.
Avoid things like rolling your eyes while your spouse is talking, saying "do we have to talk about that again?", looking bored, repeatedly looking at the clock, watching TV, playing a game, answering your cell phone or texting, saying "nothing" when asked what is on your mind, or changing the subject abruptly.
If you find you or your spouse beginning to get irritated by the subject of the conversation, do not take it personally.
Simply say "that subject is upsetting me right now, can we maybe discuss it later?" Mutual Respect.
One thing is always certain in a marriage: you WILL disagree about some things.
However, disagreeing can be a positive experience if it is done correctly.
The most important thing to remember is that your other half is another human being.
They had their own upbringing and have their own opinions and beliefs that may differ from yours from time to time, but it is their right as a person to have them.
Remember you fell in love with them for who they are, and part of who they are comes from opinions and such.
Don't ever condemn, belittle, or disregard them for these differences.
Trust Trust has been widely accepted as the number one quality needed in any relationship.
I have not put it at the top of the list simply because I believe all of the ingredients are equally important and almost all of them affect one another.
Trusting your partner with your fears, dreams, and feelings is sometimes difficult, especially when facing a partner who has violated that trust.
However, it's very important to understand and anticipate that human beings make mistakes.
"Cool down" time.
This can also be called alone time.
It is just as important for each person in a marriage to have this time together is.
It is a time to simply enjoy whatever you want by yourself, meditate, or reflect.
Remember who you are and love yourself for it.
You can go shopping, to a library, out to eat with friends, or anything that makes you happy.
Your spouse also needs the same, so don't ever take it personally when they take it.
Sex and Desire It's pretty much a given that any marriage will have "down times" in its sex life.
When you first get married, you are probably having sex 3-5 times a week or more, however as the years progress and you have children or more work/responsibilities sex becomes less and less of a priority.
It is crucial, whether this has already happened or as a precaution, to remember that sex is necessary for both partners.
You need to discuss with your partner and come to a conclusion of how many times a week is needed.
If necessary, set up a schedule and STICK TO IT.
Do not underestimate the importance of this ingredient! Understanding Many think this is the same as mutual respect.
While I agree that they are very closely related, I do not believe they are the same thing.
When facing problems in a marriage, it is very important to understand your partner.
They will most probably react and deal with things differently than you.
What you might see as avoidance is actually their need to cool down before discussing.
Or what you might see as a lack of caring is really their lack of ability to express themselves.
Do not ever react to something your spouse says or does without first trying to see things from their perspective.
Do not grill them, but instead say something like "I'm not angry, but I would like to know why you do/say that.
" If they are unwilling to answer right then, leave it alone and then try to come back to it later.
A long term goal Many times, people get married and believe the long term goal is "happily ever after".
Or that "forever" is good enough to sum up the long time plan.
While this is very romantic and a good start, it will not work without details.
Whether you are thinking of marriage or have been married several years, it is vital to ask "Where are we going?" Where do you want to live? What do you want to do when you retire? How do you plan on living when you do retire? Do you want to be rich or have a large family volunteer in Africa? Having a shared vision of what you'd like your life to be like with each other is necessary and will help strengthen your bond.
Understand there will be bumps along the way and your goals might even change, but don't give up and simply live day to day.
Most everyone is told at some point that marriage is not easy.
It is, however, one of the most important aspects of your life, and can be the best decision you'll make as long as you are willing to put forth some effort.
Please don't give up before trying everything you possible can!
I have dedicated myself to showing couples that there ARE other choices! Even if finances are not the problem your marriage is facing, there is something in this article to help you save or improve it.
I would never, ever tell someone "Don't get a counselor, you don't need one".
In fact counseling is the first thing I would suggest to anyone.
However I do realize that in some situations it can't or wont be done, so this article is for those in that situation.
After running into my own marital problems and friends and family doing the same, I've spent years doing a LOT of research in libraries and online for ways to help relationships no matter what the issue is.
What I found is there are basic rules to have in place for a strong marriage.
You MUST have these basic "ingredients" to have a healthy, happy marriage, and almost all marital problems come from missing one (or more)of these ingredients.
Open Communication.
The ideal for open communication is to have a time every day when you and your spouse can share with each other, but it needs to be done at least once a week.
Problems at work or home, good things that are happening, or even mundane little events can be shared and discussed.
This needs to be a time for calm, clear discussion.
Avoid things like rolling your eyes while your spouse is talking, saying "do we have to talk about that again?", looking bored, repeatedly looking at the clock, watching TV, playing a game, answering your cell phone or texting, saying "nothing" when asked what is on your mind, or changing the subject abruptly.
If you find you or your spouse beginning to get irritated by the subject of the conversation, do not take it personally.
Simply say "that subject is upsetting me right now, can we maybe discuss it later?" Mutual Respect.
One thing is always certain in a marriage: you WILL disagree about some things.
However, disagreeing can be a positive experience if it is done correctly.
The most important thing to remember is that your other half is another human being.
They had their own upbringing and have their own opinions and beliefs that may differ from yours from time to time, but it is their right as a person to have them.
Remember you fell in love with them for who they are, and part of who they are comes from opinions and such.
Don't ever condemn, belittle, or disregard them for these differences.
Trust Trust has been widely accepted as the number one quality needed in any relationship.
I have not put it at the top of the list simply because I believe all of the ingredients are equally important and almost all of them affect one another.
Trusting your partner with your fears, dreams, and feelings is sometimes difficult, especially when facing a partner who has violated that trust.
However, it's very important to understand and anticipate that human beings make mistakes.
"Cool down" time.
This can also be called alone time.
It is just as important for each person in a marriage to have this time together is.
It is a time to simply enjoy whatever you want by yourself, meditate, or reflect.
Remember who you are and love yourself for it.
You can go shopping, to a library, out to eat with friends, or anything that makes you happy.
Your spouse also needs the same, so don't ever take it personally when they take it.
Sex and Desire It's pretty much a given that any marriage will have "down times" in its sex life.
When you first get married, you are probably having sex 3-5 times a week or more, however as the years progress and you have children or more work/responsibilities sex becomes less and less of a priority.
It is crucial, whether this has already happened or as a precaution, to remember that sex is necessary for both partners.
You need to discuss with your partner and come to a conclusion of how many times a week is needed.
If necessary, set up a schedule and STICK TO IT.
Do not underestimate the importance of this ingredient! Understanding Many think this is the same as mutual respect.
While I agree that they are very closely related, I do not believe they are the same thing.
When facing problems in a marriage, it is very important to understand your partner.
They will most probably react and deal with things differently than you.
What you might see as avoidance is actually their need to cool down before discussing.
Or what you might see as a lack of caring is really their lack of ability to express themselves.
Do not ever react to something your spouse says or does without first trying to see things from their perspective.
Do not grill them, but instead say something like "I'm not angry, but I would like to know why you do/say that.
" If they are unwilling to answer right then, leave it alone and then try to come back to it later.
A long term goal Many times, people get married and believe the long term goal is "happily ever after".
Or that "forever" is good enough to sum up the long time plan.
While this is very romantic and a good start, it will not work without details.
Whether you are thinking of marriage or have been married several years, it is vital to ask "Where are we going?" Where do you want to live? What do you want to do when you retire? How do you plan on living when you do retire? Do you want to be rich or have a large family volunteer in Africa? Having a shared vision of what you'd like your life to be like with each other is necessary and will help strengthen your bond.
Understand there will be bumps along the way and your goals might even change, but don't give up and simply live day to day.
Most everyone is told at some point that marriage is not easy.
It is, however, one of the most important aspects of your life, and can be the best decision you'll make as long as you are willing to put forth some effort.
Please don't give up before trying everything you possible can!