- Give the healing process time to work, and be patient. Don't expect immediate results. People involved in amicable divorces require a certain amount of time before their friendship feels natural and healthy. Less amicable divorces require more time and patience. Don't force the issue. Be sincere and acknowledge the stage that you are in. Dealing with a divorce is similar to the grieving and mourning process that follows the death of a loved one.
- Establishing ground rules for personal interaction between you and your ex clarifies what the expectations are, which curtails unpleasant surprises. If children are involved, the parents need to determine how to deal with holidays, school functions, birthdays and special functions. Social and family situations can be uncomfortable and awkward and can nourish harsh and hurtful feelings that prevent a friendship from developing. Setting up a plan for personal interaction that has your children's best interests in mind is the best approach for laying the groundwork for a healthy friendship.
- Allow your ex to live her life as she sees fit, and avoid making critical commentary about what you think she should or shouldn't do. Avoid the temptation to make critical comments about things that are not really your business. Criticism is often a disguise for bad or ill feelings. If you find yourself criticizing your spouse, you probably have not dealt adequately with feelings associated with the divorce. Friends respect one another's right to make decisions and choices and do things their own way. Even if you are harboring ill feelings, make an effort to be polite and courteous to one another. The ill feelings will eventually subside, but harsh words have a more lingering and detrimental effect.
- A divorce changes the nature of the relationship between you and your ex. At the same time, it could be difficult to adjust to the nature of the new relationship. One of the more difficult obstacles to friendship between divorced people is when one of the two enters into a new romantic relationship. Stay realistic and remember that your romantic relationship has ended but that romance is an important part of life. It is unrealistic to think your former partner will not eventually begin a new romantic relationship. At the same time, it is important for you and your ex to be sensitive to each other. It is important to curb your jealous feelings, although jealousy is a natural reaction. Try to reach the point where you wish the best for your ex and can be sincerely happy for him when he finds a new love in his life.
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