What people don't want to hear me say is that €marriage takes work€. It actually takes work all throughout your marriage if it's going to be good one. I have been told to not say that marriage takes work because people don't want to know or think about it that way.
I am here to say that marriages can be made in heaven, but they are successful at doing the work that is required here on earth. Last month I was married to the love of my life for forty years and we settled another issue just this morning. That's married life when it's good. Not settling issues leads to numbness, resentment, and often times divorce.
One way to avoid doing the work with the wrong person is to take a piece of paper and pen, your laptop or iPad and make a list of what is essential to you in a mate. You might need a sports enthusiast because you are very athletically inclined and would resent their lack of participation or support. Maybe you just need someone sober and nice. Maybe you know that being listened too is essential for you. The examples are endless. Take the time to get clear about what is essential to you in your partner, because that person will be your mate in life, you will do the €work€ with them.
So if you are looking for a mate, recently married, or married for years, please share this truth with your beloved and let them know about the €work.€ A lot of it can be fun like in the recent movie, €Hope Springs.€ In the movie, Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones have developed a numb and sexless marriage after years together. Meryl Streep signs them up for an intensive marriage weekend with Steve Carell and they are off and running. The movie isn't all laughs and not always easy to watch, but it is enlightening.
Marriage should include sex, laughter, fun, work, conflict resolution, cherishment, and joy to name a few. Don't be afraid of doing the work and make sure that you have a partner who will do the work too. If they resist, request, plead, insist, jump up and down, get help and do the work together. If you are dating someone who won't do the work, I recommend that you run the other way. It's important to recognize that a team player makes a marriage last.
I am here to say that marriages can be made in heaven, but they are successful at doing the work that is required here on earth. Last month I was married to the love of my life for forty years and we settled another issue just this morning. That's married life when it's good. Not settling issues leads to numbness, resentment, and often times divorce.
One way to avoid doing the work with the wrong person is to take a piece of paper and pen, your laptop or iPad and make a list of what is essential to you in a mate. You might need a sports enthusiast because you are very athletically inclined and would resent their lack of participation or support. Maybe you just need someone sober and nice. Maybe you know that being listened too is essential for you. The examples are endless. Take the time to get clear about what is essential to you in your partner, because that person will be your mate in life, you will do the €work€ with them.
So if you are looking for a mate, recently married, or married for years, please share this truth with your beloved and let them know about the €work.€ A lot of it can be fun like in the recent movie, €Hope Springs.€ In the movie, Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones have developed a numb and sexless marriage after years together. Meryl Streep signs them up for an intensive marriage weekend with Steve Carell and they are off and running. The movie isn't all laughs and not always easy to watch, but it is enlightening.
Marriage should include sex, laughter, fun, work, conflict resolution, cherishment, and joy to name a few. Don't be afraid of doing the work and make sure that you have a partner who will do the work too. If they resist, request, plead, insist, jump up and down, get help and do the work together. If you are dating someone who won't do the work, I recommend that you run the other way. It's important to recognize that a team player makes a marriage last.