Marriage Counseling Exercises

By Family & Relationships Last updated Monday, June/03/2024

Communication Exercises

Marriages often fail because of the lack of meaningful communication. At the start of a marriage, small obstacles in the flow of communication may begin to appear. When the couple chooses to ignore those obstacles, possibly to avoid confrontation, they will grow larger and become so mountainous that the couple will stop communicating all together.

The goal of communication exercises is to move the mountain that has been standing between the two individuals. Have the couple address one another, without being accusatory. For example, instead of saying, "You make me feel this way when...", have them say, "I feel this way when..." As the couple begins to communicate their feelings to one another, they can dig deeper to find out the root cause of their problems. It could be that one partner feels a certain way because they never healed from something that happened during their childhood. So when their spouse says something to trigger the memory, it's the equivalent to rubbing salt into an old wound that has never healed.

By opening the line of communication, they will be able to discover what each other is feeling. They will know what the trigger points are and how not to push those buttons and they will be able to help each other heal from past wounds.

When a marriage is on the rocks, it can be easy for the partners to find negative things to say about one another. It is easy to lay blame and talk about what the other person is doing wrong. Instead of focusing on the negative, shift the counseling session into a positive light. Have each partner think of five good things to say about their spouse. It has probably been a while since either one has given the other a compliment. Hearing five compliments in one session will let each of them know that the other person has been paying attention.

Also, have each partner express their appreciation for those good qualities. It's something small, but appreciation goes a long way. Everybody wants to feel appreciated.

Have each spouse reflect on what they think about themselves. Ask them if there are some things that they could do better in order to make the marriage stronger. Ask them what are some of the things they have done to weaken the marriage bond. If the couple wants to save their marriage, they will be honest with themselves and each other. With self reflection, hostility is avoided because the partners are not accusing each other. Instead, they are accusing themselves, which can be productive.

Allow a moment for them to forgive themselves for how they have handled things in the marriage. They can also write a letter to themselves to articulate their forgiveness. This can provide a sense of release and a sign of a new beginning for the couple. Whenever they are tempted to revert back to their old ways, they can pull out their letters and remind themselves that those behaviors are a thing of the past and not welcome in their future.

Have the couple write down promises that each of them agree to do on a regular or daily basis to make their marriage stronger. Have them recite the new covenant to one another. It will be symbolic of their newfound commitment to make the marriage work. Have them date and sign the covenant so that the "deal is sealed." The couple can then frame and hang the new covenant in their home to be a constant reminder of their renewed vows and commitment to one another.