The Domestic Goddess Is A Robot
The daily chores are no longer a burden but something to be anticipated with excitement and wonder.
The domestic drudge has been changed beyond recognition into a domestic goddess.
Everything is clean and shiny at the touch of a button.
Food is shopped for, delivered, prepared, cooked and cleaned away with a few well timed programmable electrical appliances leaving the lady of the house free to delicately dance her way through a gym routine to make herself all gorgeous and toned before the husband arrives home from work.
Are you detecting a hint of sarcasm here? Actually, what I meant to say was, thanks to the advancements in electrical appliance technology we are now able to cram even more into our packed lives than ever.
Except that now, nothing is done at the flick of a switch, you now need a degree in IT to be able to work your washing machine, vacuum, oven and even fridge freezer.
Everything comes with its own on-board computer supposedly to make life easier.
Oh how I long for the days when Monday was wash day.
Now it's every day.
Friday was typically fish day.
The whole family knew what to expect for dinner each day.
Now we are supposed to use our electrical appliances to churn out gourmet fair on a daily basis.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not against electrical appliances in the kitchen.
They certainly do have a way of making things easier.
But it's all going just a little too far.
I want to be able to switch by appliances on and have them work.
Not spend half a day programming them to cook something I could have knocked out in half an hour.
I like my toaster.
It means I can throw out a breakfast in 2 minutes with the darkness of each serving adjusted with a simple knob.
Gone are the days when I had to take responsibility for the acrid smell of burnt toast - now I just blame it on a malfunctioning toaster.
Toast is a life saver when a small child is screaming that they're hungry but they have no appreciation.
Complaints of burnt toast fall on deaf ears with me.
The word toast comes from the Latin word Tostum which means to scorch or burn.
They get what they ask for, what is not to understand? The new fangled toaster which operates on voice command is not going to be for me.
Apparently, you can talk to it to set the darkness of the toast.
How on earth does that work? Do you whisper for lightly toasted and shout for burnt? What if your husband decided to cook breakfast - you know, that once a year birthday treat? You know it's going to resemble the ace of spades with a voice that deep! Men think they are making head way in the technology stakes of the electrical appliance, to make life easier on us women.
But take a look back in history.
It was actually the brothel madams that developed coffee brewing and more patents in this area are attributable to women than men.
It has to be said, however, I am grateful that we no longer strain coffee through an old sock! My favorite electrical appliance by a long way is the electric corkscrew I got for Christmas.
The toast is burnt - again - I set the oven to cook but its pinging and buzzing and the washing machines on board computer has got so confused it doesn't know if it's washing or drying.
But there I am, relaxed in the knowledge that with the touch of a button my wine will be open and all will be right with the world again.