"No great thing is created suddenly" ~Epictetus, philosopher So much power exists in the little things.
It is the little things that can make a good relationship, great.
Conversely, the little things can destroy a relationship.
Here are eight common behaviors that may not be deal breakers but these behaviors will ruin your chances of ever having happiness in your relationship.
1) Always trying to get in the last word.
If this is you, then be prepared for a relationship in which your partner will eventually stop talking to you.
It is better to be a good listener than to be a dominating talker.
Don't be too competitive.
Don't always try to win a discussion or create a debate.
Couples get too caught up in games of power.
This is a situation in which you cannot truly win.
As a therapist, I have come to believe that the person who gets the last word in typically loses.
They may win the battle but they lose their partner's love and respect.
2) Forgetting Holidays and Anniversaries.
Forgetting once can be hurtful.
Forgetting often is disheartening.
Never recognizing these dates will be lethal.
I say forgetting, but it may be more deliberate.
A deliberate refusal to honor your partner's birthday, your wedding anniversary, or some other special event is mean and cruel.
You and I both know it is typically the guys who are guilty of this.
I plead with my brothers to fix this problem before it becomes an emergency.
Once a woman has had enough of this, she will emotionally divorce you.
3) Being Too Proud.
Hardheadedness can either be a blessing or a curse.
It is good to be determined but it is bad to be stubborn.
If you are wrong; admit it.
If you have said or done something hurtful; apologize.
You can do wonders for your relationship if you will simply learn to say "I'm sorry.
" or "I was wrong.
" I also encourage you to go back and acknowledge any past errors.
It takes a big person to be able to do this but you will experience more love in your life if you do.
4) Never acknowledging your partner's efforts.
Acknowledge housework, going to work, bringing home a paycheck, and being actively involved in the raising of the children.
This list can be long but don't take your partner for granted.
Relationships are more about choices than obligations regardless of how it may feel.
Make positive choices.
Learn to say thank you and say it often.
5) Making jokes at your partner's expense.
It's okay to be funny and I encourage playfulness.
Just don't allow yourself to cross the line by putting your partner down or hurting their feelings.
Don't point out your partner's shortcomings or twist things about them in an effort to get a laugh.
Referring to your partner as the "old ball and chain" really isn't that funny.
Even if your partner is truly too slow or a hyper force of nature, do you have to single out these behaviors? Instead of putdowns, use words that will lift your partner up.
6) Being mean.
Hatefulness will never build love and respect in your relationship.
I don't care if you are angry, tired, or had a bad day.
There is no excuse for this.
When you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out.
When life squeezes you, what comes out is a reflection of what's on the inside of you.
Meanness is a negative response that is usually rooted in negative past experiences that have never been dealt with.
In other words, get help.
Read books, go to therapy, talk with your pastor.
Whatever it may take to heal the wounds of your past.
7) Being a Cheapo.
I'm not talking about the wisdom of good financial decision making.
I'm talking about stinginess and selfishness.
That dollar you are saving could be costing you a fortune.
A cheapo cuts too many corners and treats their partner as second class citizens.
Your partner shouldn't have to beg for the things they want and need (within reason).
8) Frequent temper tantrums.
Outbursts of stress and anger can be very taxing on a relationship.
Learn how to manage your stress versus taking it out on your partner.
Don't threaten divorce; don't take off your wedding ring, and stop turning over your wedding day photo just because you're in a bad mood.
You have no right to impose your bad mood on someone else; especially the person you say you love.
"Your future depends on many things, but mostly on you.
" ~Brian Tracy Imagine a couple is hiking in the woods and they become lost.
They start arguing about whose fault it is.
"If you had remembered the compass...
" or "If you had taken that left turn I pointed out...
" Meanwhile, it's getting later, colder, and you're both hungry.
Now is the time that one or both of you should drop the debate and take your partner by the hand and say, "It doesn't matter whose fault it is, let's just get out of here.
" Never underestimate your ability to improve a relationship.
One person can change the course of a relationship.
If you are guilty of any of these negative behaviors, resolve to change your ways.
Strive to be a partner that your partner will respect and admire.
It is the little things that can make a good relationship, great.
Conversely, the little things can destroy a relationship.
Here are eight common behaviors that may not be deal breakers but these behaviors will ruin your chances of ever having happiness in your relationship.
1) Always trying to get in the last word.
If this is you, then be prepared for a relationship in which your partner will eventually stop talking to you.
It is better to be a good listener than to be a dominating talker.
Don't be too competitive.
Don't always try to win a discussion or create a debate.
Couples get too caught up in games of power.
This is a situation in which you cannot truly win.
As a therapist, I have come to believe that the person who gets the last word in typically loses.
They may win the battle but they lose their partner's love and respect.
2) Forgetting Holidays and Anniversaries.
Forgetting once can be hurtful.
Forgetting often is disheartening.
Never recognizing these dates will be lethal.
I say forgetting, but it may be more deliberate.
A deliberate refusal to honor your partner's birthday, your wedding anniversary, or some other special event is mean and cruel.
You and I both know it is typically the guys who are guilty of this.
I plead with my brothers to fix this problem before it becomes an emergency.
Once a woman has had enough of this, she will emotionally divorce you.
3) Being Too Proud.
Hardheadedness can either be a blessing or a curse.
It is good to be determined but it is bad to be stubborn.
If you are wrong; admit it.
If you have said or done something hurtful; apologize.
You can do wonders for your relationship if you will simply learn to say "I'm sorry.
" or "I was wrong.
" I also encourage you to go back and acknowledge any past errors.
It takes a big person to be able to do this but you will experience more love in your life if you do.
4) Never acknowledging your partner's efforts.
Acknowledge housework, going to work, bringing home a paycheck, and being actively involved in the raising of the children.
This list can be long but don't take your partner for granted.
Relationships are more about choices than obligations regardless of how it may feel.
Make positive choices.
Learn to say thank you and say it often.
5) Making jokes at your partner's expense.
It's okay to be funny and I encourage playfulness.
Just don't allow yourself to cross the line by putting your partner down or hurting their feelings.
Don't point out your partner's shortcomings or twist things about them in an effort to get a laugh.
Referring to your partner as the "old ball and chain" really isn't that funny.
Even if your partner is truly too slow or a hyper force of nature, do you have to single out these behaviors? Instead of putdowns, use words that will lift your partner up.
6) Being mean.
Hatefulness will never build love and respect in your relationship.
I don't care if you are angry, tired, or had a bad day.
There is no excuse for this.
When you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out.
When life squeezes you, what comes out is a reflection of what's on the inside of you.
Meanness is a negative response that is usually rooted in negative past experiences that have never been dealt with.
In other words, get help.
Read books, go to therapy, talk with your pastor.
Whatever it may take to heal the wounds of your past.
7) Being a Cheapo.
I'm not talking about the wisdom of good financial decision making.
I'm talking about stinginess and selfishness.
That dollar you are saving could be costing you a fortune.
A cheapo cuts too many corners and treats their partner as second class citizens.
Your partner shouldn't have to beg for the things they want and need (within reason).
8) Frequent temper tantrums.
Outbursts of stress and anger can be very taxing on a relationship.
Learn how to manage your stress versus taking it out on your partner.
Don't threaten divorce; don't take off your wedding ring, and stop turning over your wedding day photo just because you're in a bad mood.
You have no right to impose your bad mood on someone else; especially the person you say you love.
"Your future depends on many things, but mostly on you.
" ~Brian Tracy Imagine a couple is hiking in the woods and they become lost.
They start arguing about whose fault it is.
"If you had remembered the compass...
" or "If you had taken that left turn I pointed out...
" Meanwhile, it's getting later, colder, and you're both hungry.
Now is the time that one or both of you should drop the debate and take your partner by the hand and say, "It doesn't matter whose fault it is, let's just get out of here.
" Never underestimate your ability to improve a relationship.
One person can change the course of a relationship.
If you are guilty of any of these negative behaviors, resolve to change your ways.
Strive to be a partner that your partner will respect and admire.