Remarriage Preparation - Changes You Need to Make Now - Before the Remarriage
Remarriage is a big undertaking.
So many different emotions can be felt all at once that it can almost seem overwhelming! Making sure you push past those emotions and look at things rationally though, is very important.
It's only then that you realize how important it's going to be for you and your fiance to prepare before the "I Do's.
" One of the most frequently overlooked preparation steps really has little to do with your partner, and everything to do with your children.
How is your parenting? Have you slipped a few notches in the expectations that you have for them since the divorce? Have you become less involved in their day to day lives since your new relationship began? If this is the case, now is the time to re-invest yourself in your relationship with your children.
You don't want your kids to feel as if their time with you is cut even shorter by your new partner's presence after the wedding.
There are three main areas to be addressed between you and your kids before you remarry.
These will put you in a stronger position for having a successful step family after the wedding has occurred.
These steps are just as important as any wedding or moving plans that may already be going on.
1.
Make time to create special activities that are just for you and your kids - These are the things that bind us closer together and create memories.
It's those silly nicknames, TV shows you watch together, and after dinner walks.
What's unique about your family? What do you do together? If those haven't been developed, it's time right now!! Talk to your kids to get ideas or look at what they enjoy and figure out ways you can be included in those too.
Step family life will put some pressure on your relationship with your children.
That's why it's so important that make your relationship with them as strong as you can now.
2.
Work through any guilt you're still holding on to toward your children for the divorce - Guilt is a parent's worst enemy.
It prevents us from teaching and directing our children properly.
Guilt is a natural emotion in divorced parents.
All of us want the best for our kids.
When they cry and say they miss their other parent or miss being together as a family, who wouldn't feel bad? But being divorced doesn't make you a bad parent! The first step toward working through that guilt is to accept your life the way it is now.
That marriage is over and you're beginning to plan for a new one.
No, it won't replace that first family for your kids, but it does offer them new possibilities.
3.
Learn to step up and really parent - Once remarried, you are going to have to be a very strong parent who can set consistent boundaries.
If you don't do this you put your marriage at jeopardy.
Did you notice I said marriage? Your spouse needs to trust that you will be a parent to your kids.
It's not your new partner's job to parent - it's yours.
So, if you are not comfortable being the disciplinarian or have always been the "laid back" parent, now is the time to start changing those patterns.
There are tons of great parenting resources out there.
You and your partner should be taking hard looks at your parenting styles now, BEFORE the wedding.
If you drastically change your style after the wedding, I can almost guarantee your children will view it as the fault of your new spouse and become resentful.
You'll hear, "I never had to make my bed before you married her!" Your goal right now needs to be to look at your parenting styles and figure out how best to synch them so that the expectations for the kids are similar.
So many different emotions can be felt all at once that it can almost seem overwhelming! Making sure you push past those emotions and look at things rationally though, is very important.
It's only then that you realize how important it's going to be for you and your fiance to prepare before the "I Do's.
" One of the most frequently overlooked preparation steps really has little to do with your partner, and everything to do with your children.
How is your parenting? Have you slipped a few notches in the expectations that you have for them since the divorce? Have you become less involved in their day to day lives since your new relationship began? If this is the case, now is the time to re-invest yourself in your relationship with your children.
You don't want your kids to feel as if their time with you is cut even shorter by your new partner's presence after the wedding.
There are three main areas to be addressed between you and your kids before you remarry.
These will put you in a stronger position for having a successful step family after the wedding has occurred.
These steps are just as important as any wedding or moving plans that may already be going on.
1.
Make time to create special activities that are just for you and your kids - These are the things that bind us closer together and create memories.
It's those silly nicknames, TV shows you watch together, and after dinner walks.
What's unique about your family? What do you do together? If those haven't been developed, it's time right now!! Talk to your kids to get ideas or look at what they enjoy and figure out ways you can be included in those too.
Step family life will put some pressure on your relationship with your children.
That's why it's so important that make your relationship with them as strong as you can now.
2.
Work through any guilt you're still holding on to toward your children for the divorce - Guilt is a parent's worst enemy.
It prevents us from teaching and directing our children properly.
Guilt is a natural emotion in divorced parents.
All of us want the best for our kids.
When they cry and say they miss their other parent or miss being together as a family, who wouldn't feel bad? But being divorced doesn't make you a bad parent! The first step toward working through that guilt is to accept your life the way it is now.
That marriage is over and you're beginning to plan for a new one.
No, it won't replace that first family for your kids, but it does offer them new possibilities.
3.
Learn to step up and really parent - Once remarried, you are going to have to be a very strong parent who can set consistent boundaries.
If you don't do this you put your marriage at jeopardy.
Did you notice I said marriage? Your spouse needs to trust that you will be a parent to your kids.
It's not your new partner's job to parent - it's yours.
So, if you are not comfortable being the disciplinarian or have always been the "laid back" parent, now is the time to start changing those patterns.
There are tons of great parenting resources out there.
You and your partner should be taking hard looks at your parenting styles now, BEFORE the wedding.
If you drastically change your style after the wedding, I can almost guarantee your children will view it as the fault of your new spouse and become resentful.
You'll hear, "I never had to make my bed before you married her!" Your goal right now needs to be to look at your parenting styles and figure out how best to synch them so that the expectations for the kids are similar.