What Not to Expect from your Spouse - From The Positive Perspective
Are you in constant despair and disappointment because of your husband or wife? Tired from seemingly endless arguments and disagreements from petty things to important decisions? Or are you in doubt whether your marriage will still work?
No matter how much you make sense of your differences with your partner, you will never find the ultimate answer from all your questions. It's like history repeats itself--from the ugly scene you want to erase from your childhood's memories of your parents' constant fights it all comes back again to haunt you. Would giving up the marriage solve your problem? No it wouldn't. Maybe an answer is not needed after all. Maybe you should give up expecting and start doing the things you want done.
Do not expect he would give up his vice just because he's married to you.
Are you even aware of his vice before you got married or were you plainly blinded by love? That's wrong. Love never makes a person blind from wrong things, but love makes the person accept the failure of his partner. Instead of complaining and battling against his vice which sometimes becomes the center of your problem with him try to understand the real reason for this. If he reasons out that his vice is the cause for his fun and enjoyment and you think it harms him, show him what real happiness is. You can cajole him to accompany you to fun activities that you think will complement both of you. You can also divert his free time to some responsibilities that will keep him occupied. When you are doing these things for him try to think that you are doing this because it makes you happy because this will influence his personality and your relationship as well.
Do not expect that the things you want and like are the things that he like and want also.
Do you constantly drag him to activities you want but he has no interest of? Or are you in constant pursuit of changing his habits because you don't like it? Either way you are only creating a distance between the two of you. Do not expect that he must adjust to your wants and needs to please you. Or expect to change his habit in just one sitting because you said so. Remember that before you were married he was a stranger to you. Before you were married and created your own family, he grew up in a different family also which has a different environment with yours. If his habit causes problem in your home, you can try to change him by influencing him and not pointedly correcting him. Directly telling him will only cause his insecurities and sometimes lead to marriage gap. Being confident and with self esteem in the family are good signs that your marriage is growing.
Do not expect that he must know all his responsibilities
Being a husband and a father, or being a wife and a mother is far different from being single and a child to your parents. As a child to your parents you are always understood and taken care of despite your failures. But when it's the other way around, you have switched your position from being a child to being a parent. You have now the role of one who understands and accepts. And being a spouse and a partner despite the possibilities that you still want you are now tied up to a bond. What you do entails responsibilities. These are all heavy and difficult responsibilities. You know it. That's why you must not expect your partner that he too will be able to carry all. If he can't carry the burden, for sure you can. He will see your effort and your perseverance. And this will knock him off and make him realize he has a role as well.
Marriage is a happy relationship. But when you are face with differences and problems it's easy to give up. But would it be a sweet success if after all your trials both of you have survived and found each other's company? Being patient and strong are values that are very important in marriage. Keep the flame burning--as the famous quote says--but not too much that will sore you.
No matter how much you make sense of your differences with your partner, you will never find the ultimate answer from all your questions. It's like history repeats itself--from the ugly scene you want to erase from your childhood's memories of your parents' constant fights it all comes back again to haunt you. Would giving up the marriage solve your problem? No it wouldn't. Maybe an answer is not needed after all. Maybe you should give up expecting and start doing the things you want done.
Do not expect he would give up his vice just because he's married to you.
Are you even aware of his vice before you got married or were you plainly blinded by love? That's wrong. Love never makes a person blind from wrong things, but love makes the person accept the failure of his partner. Instead of complaining and battling against his vice which sometimes becomes the center of your problem with him try to understand the real reason for this. If he reasons out that his vice is the cause for his fun and enjoyment and you think it harms him, show him what real happiness is. You can cajole him to accompany you to fun activities that you think will complement both of you. You can also divert his free time to some responsibilities that will keep him occupied. When you are doing these things for him try to think that you are doing this because it makes you happy because this will influence his personality and your relationship as well.
Do not expect that the things you want and like are the things that he like and want also.
Do you constantly drag him to activities you want but he has no interest of? Or are you in constant pursuit of changing his habits because you don't like it? Either way you are only creating a distance between the two of you. Do not expect that he must adjust to your wants and needs to please you. Or expect to change his habit in just one sitting because you said so. Remember that before you were married he was a stranger to you. Before you were married and created your own family, he grew up in a different family also which has a different environment with yours. If his habit causes problem in your home, you can try to change him by influencing him and not pointedly correcting him. Directly telling him will only cause his insecurities and sometimes lead to marriage gap. Being confident and with self esteem in the family are good signs that your marriage is growing.
Do not expect that he must know all his responsibilities
Being a husband and a father, or being a wife and a mother is far different from being single and a child to your parents. As a child to your parents you are always understood and taken care of despite your failures. But when it's the other way around, you have switched your position from being a child to being a parent. You have now the role of one who understands and accepts. And being a spouse and a partner despite the possibilities that you still want you are now tied up to a bond. What you do entails responsibilities. These are all heavy and difficult responsibilities. You know it. That's why you must not expect your partner that he too will be able to carry all. If he can't carry the burden, for sure you can. He will see your effort and your perseverance. And this will knock him off and make him realize he has a role as well.
Marriage is a happy relationship. But when you are face with differences and problems it's easy to give up. But would it be a sweet success if after all your trials both of you have survived and found each other's company? Being patient and strong are values that are very important in marriage. Keep the flame burning--as the famous quote says--but not too much that will sore you.