When you first got married, didn't it feel like you were completely on the same page and it would be that way forever? What happened? All you know is that he just doesn't seem to care about the marriage or about you anymore the way he used to, and you do.
You're desperate to save the marriage, but he seems out to lunch.
What can you do? People Change At Different Rates of Speed One thing you can say with certainty about life and especially about people - things change.
It's the one constant you can always depend on.
What you can't depend on is the rate of speed at which things will change.
And the same thing's true about you, and about your partner.
We are changing all the time and no one can absolutely tell what's coming next.
You Care About the Marriage, But Does He? Right now your partner just doesn't seem to want to do anything to save the marriage.
Maybe he's not communicating, ignoring you, and refusing to go to counseling.
All you know is he doesn't show interest.
The good news is that you don't have to just wait to find out if things are going to be different.
There are some very specific steps you can take - four of them in fact - that can give your marriage an excellent opportunity to survive and thrive.
It's better to do something rather than nothing, isn't it? Let's get busy.
How to Save the Marriage When You're the Only One Who Wants To, In Four Simple Steps Step One: Like You must take four steps to save the marriage right now.
I call those steps "LOVE," which is an acronym.
"L" is for like; "O" is for openness; "V" is for value; and "E" is for encourage.
The first step in saving your marriage is to emphasize what you like about your partner.
If you don't really find what you like about him there's not much sense in saving the marriage, right? Usually we like those who like us, so it just may help for you to concentrate on what you like about him.
So take out pencil and paper and write down 10 things you really truly like about your partner.
Having those written down will help you really focus on what you like about him.
This is very good.
Step 2: Be Open He may or may not want to tell you about his lack of interest in the marriage or what can be done about that, but the likelihood is that if he's not telling you it's because he doesn't feel you're open to hearing about it.
So now I want you to write down another list.
Ten reasons why your partner might not be interested in you and the marriage right now.
This is a very important exercise.
Do it in writing.
You'll be surprised by the results in your thinking.
Step 3: Give Value What's the main reason we like being around other people? Sometimes it's attraction, sex, money, and their sense of humor.
But in reality it's because they give value.
They give you something and you give them something.
But real value on the receiving end is getting something you really truly want.
If someone gives you a gift you don't want, it doesn't have much value to you.
So make a list of 10 things you can do to give your husband more of what he wants.
Not of what you want to give because you think it's valuable, but ten things that he would find valuable.
Then give them.
Step 4: Encourage Find things your partner is doing or is interested in and encourage him.
Whatever he is interested in is what he is interested in.
That's how it goes.
So figure out what is getting his attention and interest (because you know it's not you right now), and encourage him to get into it more and enjoy it more.
Make a list of 10 things he's into and how you can encourage him.
Follow those 4 steps conscientiously and you will have done your part to save the marriage.
You very well could make a major difference and get your partner back.
Meantime you have everything to gain and nothing to lose by making the effort.