Depression is a horrible illness. It can strike when you are not expecting it and it can be virtually impossible to recover from without help. Every person's depression is different, there is no common garden variety. But whether it comes in the form of clinical depression, Post Natal Depression (PND), or the kind that often accompanies Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) it will likely have symptomatic similarities. In terms of the physical effects of depression it reduces the sufferers energy, causing fatigue. This makes it almost impossible to carry out simple day to day tasks, such as cleaning the house, dropping the kids at school, completing the weekly shop, or engaging in social activities.
It is often completely debilitating which makes having the energy and willpower to get better difficult. As a current sufferer who is well on the way to recovery I can't speak for all depression sufferers but I can offer a little insight into how they are feeling and how you might support them. Since I acknowledged my own condition I have experienced both welcome and unwelcome responses from friends and family members. I have no doubt in my mind that all meant well and had my best interests at heart, but dealing with a depression sufferer is like negotiating a mine field. It is littered with danger and the results can be mentally catastrophic for both of you. I am writing this article to try and shed some light on the inner workings of the depressed person's mind and how you can best offer support. One thing you must never forget is that this is an illness, a disease. There is a chemical imbalance in the brain, no matter what type of depression is at hand.
How the depressed person is feeling
Overreactions
Obviously the sufferer is feeling very low. When you are feeling like this you will often lose all sense of perspective. Matters that may seem trivial can take on huge significance and cause massive friction. Leaving the milk out of the fridge isn't going to kill anyone, but there may be what you would deem an overreaction when normally it would be shrugged off.
Reduced emotional intelligence
That is not to say that the sufferer has become less intelligent than before, but that they may be regressing to an almost childlike emotional state. Suddenly there are no shades of grey and everything becomes black and white. Forgetting to pick up the dry cleaning on your way home might in their mind become an indication that you no longer love them or don't care about their wellbeing. It is irrational to the well person, but to someone in the grip of depression it is a lack of perspective that they will probbaly beat themselves up for later. Once they realise their behaviour it will reinforce the negative feelings they have about themselves.
Self-esteem
They know they are ill but cannot seem to do anything about it. It may be that they have thought negatively about depressed people they have known and are now thinking in the same way about themselves. Self-esteem will be extremely poor and they may even worry that they are losing their grip on reality. The depressed person with poor self-esteem may lash out at those around them. They will be unable to control this and often don't mean what they are saying. This will add to their spiral of worthlessness and self-loathing.
Loved ones
Even if they cannot show their appreciation of your support they will feel it. It may be that they lurch from emotional overgratitude to self-pitying indifference, but they do need support and they know it. They just can't always express it.
What you can do to help?
Understand that YOU cannot cure them
They can be cured, they want to be cured, but unless you are a GP or a phsychologist you alone cannot solve their depression. One of the worst things you can do is try and persuade them that it is their perspective that is wrong and they can will themselves to be better. If they could, they would have done so already. Platitudes such as "look on the bright side" or "life is full of ups and downs" are also unwelcome and you are likely to find yourself on the receiving end of a tongue-lashing. Worse still you reinforce in their mind that they are useless for being unable to 'snap out of it'. Also, do not be tempted to tell them that you understand what they are going through. Unless you have suffered depression then you can't. We have all experienced the blues, but depression is different. You will lose all credibility with them if you are not completely honest. There is no harm in admitting that you don't know what they are going through but will support them in any way you can.
Listen
Be supportive and simply listen. By all means give advice if you are asked, but try to do this in a way that is neutral and offers possible options, rather than telling them what they should do. Sometimes it is enough for the sufferer to be able to unload some of their worries and burdens. It gives them a temporary release, like relieving a pressure valve, but remember that this positive effect will be temporary. Depression is a rollercoaster. Do not be frustrated or offended when they retreat back into their black fog. Just continue to be there for when they need to talk.
Encourage them to seek help
This should be approached with caution but if depression lasts more than a few weeks then medical and psychological intervention are probably required. They may feel stigmatised by being diagnosed with depression, but like the alcoholic, admitting that you have a problem is the first step on the road to recovery. Chances are they may not only need medication to correct the chemical brain imbalance, they may need therapy also. This can come in several forms such as cunselling or Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). They may also need time away from work as stress will only exacerbate the depression. If they struggle with ordinary tasks within the home they will most certainly struggle with maintaining focus at work. It will not take their mind off their troubles and will only reinfoce their low sense of self-worth as they become less able to cope.
Safeguard your own health and happiness
One of the worst things for the depressive is feeling that they are letting everyone down and spreading misery. The reality is that being around the depressed person is not easy. They will probably pick more fights than usual, they will seem to want to wallow, they certainly aren't fun to be around much of the time. Don't take any of this personally and try not to react. At the same time you will also need a means of letting off steam. It is not only recommended that the sufferer gets exercise when they are up to it, but you should also. Unfortunately you are going to have to be the adult, emotionally speaking. This means that you also will need a support network, but be subtle. Confide in a friend or family member by all means, but it's probably best to keep this away from the sufferer as they may become paranoid.
There are probably lots more gems of advice out there on the Internet for sufferers and their friends and family. This is my perspective and I am not qualified either medically or in a phsychology sense. I have done a bit of research but I am a current sufferer so these are my views. There will be other perspectives and other ways of supporting those with depression. Feel free to leave tips, advice or insights in the comments section below.
This article originally appeared on my blog: http://mommy-beadzoid.blogspot.com/ on the 27th February, 2011
It is often completely debilitating which makes having the energy and willpower to get better difficult. As a current sufferer who is well on the way to recovery I can't speak for all depression sufferers but I can offer a little insight into how they are feeling and how you might support them. Since I acknowledged my own condition I have experienced both welcome and unwelcome responses from friends and family members. I have no doubt in my mind that all meant well and had my best interests at heart, but dealing with a depression sufferer is like negotiating a mine field. It is littered with danger and the results can be mentally catastrophic for both of you. I am writing this article to try and shed some light on the inner workings of the depressed person's mind and how you can best offer support. One thing you must never forget is that this is an illness, a disease. There is a chemical imbalance in the brain, no matter what type of depression is at hand.
How the depressed person is feeling
Overreactions
Obviously the sufferer is feeling very low. When you are feeling like this you will often lose all sense of perspective. Matters that may seem trivial can take on huge significance and cause massive friction. Leaving the milk out of the fridge isn't going to kill anyone, but there may be what you would deem an overreaction when normally it would be shrugged off.
Reduced emotional intelligence
That is not to say that the sufferer has become less intelligent than before, but that they may be regressing to an almost childlike emotional state. Suddenly there are no shades of grey and everything becomes black and white. Forgetting to pick up the dry cleaning on your way home might in their mind become an indication that you no longer love them or don't care about their wellbeing. It is irrational to the well person, but to someone in the grip of depression it is a lack of perspective that they will probbaly beat themselves up for later. Once they realise their behaviour it will reinforce the negative feelings they have about themselves.
Self-esteem
They know they are ill but cannot seem to do anything about it. It may be that they have thought negatively about depressed people they have known and are now thinking in the same way about themselves. Self-esteem will be extremely poor and they may even worry that they are losing their grip on reality. The depressed person with poor self-esteem may lash out at those around them. They will be unable to control this and often don't mean what they are saying. This will add to their spiral of worthlessness and self-loathing.
Loved ones
Even if they cannot show their appreciation of your support they will feel it. It may be that they lurch from emotional overgratitude to self-pitying indifference, but they do need support and they know it. They just can't always express it.
What you can do to help?
Understand that YOU cannot cure them
They can be cured, they want to be cured, but unless you are a GP or a phsychologist you alone cannot solve their depression. One of the worst things you can do is try and persuade them that it is their perspective that is wrong and they can will themselves to be better. If they could, they would have done so already. Platitudes such as "look on the bright side" or "life is full of ups and downs" are also unwelcome and you are likely to find yourself on the receiving end of a tongue-lashing. Worse still you reinforce in their mind that they are useless for being unable to 'snap out of it'. Also, do not be tempted to tell them that you understand what they are going through. Unless you have suffered depression then you can't. We have all experienced the blues, but depression is different. You will lose all credibility with them if you are not completely honest. There is no harm in admitting that you don't know what they are going through but will support them in any way you can.
Listen
Be supportive and simply listen. By all means give advice if you are asked, but try to do this in a way that is neutral and offers possible options, rather than telling them what they should do. Sometimes it is enough for the sufferer to be able to unload some of their worries and burdens. It gives them a temporary release, like relieving a pressure valve, but remember that this positive effect will be temporary. Depression is a rollercoaster. Do not be frustrated or offended when they retreat back into their black fog. Just continue to be there for when they need to talk.
Encourage them to seek help
This should be approached with caution but if depression lasts more than a few weeks then medical and psychological intervention are probably required. They may feel stigmatised by being diagnosed with depression, but like the alcoholic, admitting that you have a problem is the first step on the road to recovery. Chances are they may not only need medication to correct the chemical brain imbalance, they may need therapy also. This can come in several forms such as cunselling or Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). They may also need time away from work as stress will only exacerbate the depression. If they struggle with ordinary tasks within the home they will most certainly struggle with maintaining focus at work. It will not take their mind off their troubles and will only reinfoce their low sense of self-worth as they become less able to cope.
Safeguard your own health and happiness
One of the worst things for the depressive is feeling that they are letting everyone down and spreading misery. The reality is that being around the depressed person is not easy. They will probably pick more fights than usual, they will seem to want to wallow, they certainly aren't fun to be around much of the time. Don't take any of this personally and try not to react. At the same time you will also need a means of letting off steam. It is not only recommended that the sufferer gets exercise when they are up to it, but you should also. Unfortunately you are going to have to be the adult, emotionally speaking. This means that you also will need a support network, but be subtle. Confide in a friend or family member by all means, but it's probably best to keep this away from the sufferer as they may become paranoid.
There are probably lots more gems of advice out there on the Internet for sufferers and their friends and family. This is my perspective and I am not qualified either medically or in a phsychology sense. I have done a bit of research but I am a current sufferer so these are my views. There will be other perspectives and other ways of supporting those with depression. Feel free to leave tips, advice or insights in the comments section below.
This article originally appeared on my blog: http://mommy-beadzoid.blogspot.com/ on the 27th February, 2011