While most psychotherapists are lovely and well-meaning people with a genuine desire to help others, many are not necessarily very helpful.
The notion of accountability has never been strong within the profession and it has been widely accepted that neither psychologists nor counsellors need to be liable for the results they get with clients.
We were fooled into believing that mental and emotional health eludes any attempts to specify the outcomes.
In my experience, it is possible to predict results with accuracy.
And finding out where your therapist stands on this issues is as simple as asking some simple questions.
And while your willingness to change will play a role in the final outcome, you want to make sure that you are getting the best help possible.
For many, searching for an effective therapy is a devastating experience that leaves them feeling even more 'broken' than before.
While the rapport and the synergy between a therapist and a client is a must, the effectiveness of therapy does not stop here.
The good news is, there are some great therapists around that do get results.
So if you decide to see someone, look for the best.
Below are 7 useful questions you can ask a therapist that will help you to locate a good one.
1.
You are likely to have a specific concern that you want to resolve, like anxiety, lack of direction, Bulimia or depression, ask them how often do they work with people with a similar problem/issue? Don't ask them for detailed statistics, they won't have the answers, but if they are seeing 3 or 4 people a week with a similar problem, it is a good start.
I see as many as 10 people a week with one of the issues I specialise in, and so I learn a lot from my clients and stay in tune with the specifics.
On the other hand, don't stop here, I have heard of psychiatrists that 'specialise' in eating disorders, but have no answers beyond antidepressants.
This is why you need to ask...
2.
What is their success rate? How many of their clients or patients get better? While it is acceptable that a therapist will not be able to help everyone, every time, if they are getting good results, they will tell you.
3.
But don't stop here, ask them how do they define 'better'? For me it is black and white, you are still depressed (or anxious or Bulimic) or you are not.
And many of these conditions can be assessed with a simple questionnaire, other are just plain obvious.
Do not accept anything less than a complete recovery.
4.
How long does it take for their clients or patients to get better? This is an important question.
If they get results quickly, they will tell you.
If they can't give you a straightforward answer, it will probably take a long time.
That's a lot of cash for you to pay.
Would you rather pay someone $500 per consultation knowing they can help you in a month or two, or pay someone $150 and see them for four+ years, weekly? You do the maths.
In my view, it should not take more than a month or two, but that's just me.
Anything beyond that, there is probably too much talking and speculating and not enough repairing going on.
5.
Ask them whether they will be able to deal with all the emotional stuff that underlies the problem? Majority of problems that people bring into a therapy room are emotional problems and so a range of negative emotions needs to be targeted.
Are they capable of dealing with anger? Guilt? Sadness? How effective are they in doing this? 6.
The next question is a bit tricky and you may feel awkward asking it, but ask it anyway.
Email them if speaking on the phone is an issue.
Are they going to help you to create a positive relationship with yourself? This may sound strange to some people - we are taught to believe that being kind to yourself will turn you into someone arrogant and unpleasant, but nothing is further from the truth.
The whole therapy process should be geared to nudge you into liking yourself more.
If a therapist recognizes this, and can do it, there is a chance they will turn your life around.
A patronising, dismissive and arrogant therapists will eventually erode your sense of self even more.
Why risk it? 7.
Are they a happy and fulfilled person? Are they living what they teach? After all, a therapist is a teacher, they are meant to teach you how to regain and then maintain your emotional and psychological wellbeing.
You may have to leave this question until you are already on their couch, but if they are not that content with their lives, run! Think about this: if you were to learn painting, would you want to be taught by someone who is a good painter as well as a good teacher? Or would you be happy to try to learn from someone who knows all the theory but can't paint? If your therapists turned her or his life into a beautiful work of art, follow them.
If they are miserable, stressed or unfulfilled, what do they have to offer? Choose a therapist that has knows how to live a meaningful and happy life and follow what they teach you.
Now you have a winner!
The notion of accountability has never been strong within the profession and it has been widely accepted that neither psychologists nor counsellors need to be liable for the results they get with clients.
We were fooled into believing that mental and emotional health eludes any attempts to specify the outcomes.
In my experience, it is possible to predict results with accuracy.
And finding out where your therapist stands on this issues is as simple as asking some simple questions.
And while your willingness to change will play a role in the final outcome, you want to make sure that you are getting the best help possible.
For many, searching for an effective therapy is a devastating experience that leaves them feeling even more 'broken' than before.
While the rapport and the synergy between a therapist and a client is a must, the effectiveness of therapy does not stop here.
The good news is, there are some great therapists around that do get results.
So if you decide to see someone, look for the best.
Below are 7 useful questions you can ask a therapist that will help you to locate a good one.
1.
You are likely to have a specific concern that you want to resolve, like anxiety, lack of direction, Bulimia or depression, ask them how often do they work with people with a similar problem/issue? Don't ask them for detailed statistics, they won't have the answers, but if they are seeing 3 or 4 people a week with a similar problem, it is a good start.
I see as many as 10 people a week with one of the issues I specialise in, and so I learn a lot from my clients and stay in tune with the specifics.
On the other hand, don't stop here, I have heard of psychiatrists that 'specialise' in eating disorders, but have no answers beyond antidepressants.
This is why you need to ask...
2.
What is their success rate? How many of their clients or patients get better? While it is acceptable that a therapist will not be able to help everyone, every time, if they are getting good results, they will tell you.
3.
But don't stop here, ask them how do they define 'better'? For me it is black and white, you are still depressed (or anxious or Bulimic) or you are not.
And many of these conditions can be assessed with a simple questionnaire, other are just plain obvious.
Do not accept anything less than a complete recovery.
4.
How long does it take for their clients or patients to get better? This is an important question.
If they get results quickly, they will tell you.
If they can't give you a straightforward answer, it will probably take a long time.
That's a lot of cash for you to pay.
Would you rather pay someone $500 per consultation knowing they can help you in a month or two, or pay someone $150 and see them for four+ years, weekly? You do the maths.
In my view, it should not take more than a month or two, but that's just me.
Anything beyond that, there is probably too much talking and speculating and not enough repairing going on.
5.
Ask them whether they will be able to deal with all the emotional stuff that underlies the problem? Majority of problems that people bring into a therapy room are emotional problems and so a range of negative emotions needs to be targeted.
Are they capable of dealing with anger? Guilt? Sadness? How effective are they in doing this? 6.
The next question is a bit tricky and you may feel awkward asking it, but ask it anyway.
Email them if speaking on the phone is an issue.
Are they going to help you to create a positive relationship with yourself? This may sound strange to some people - we are taught to believe that being kind to yourself will turn you into someone arrogant and unpleasant, but nothing is further from the truth.
The whole therapy process should be geared to nudge you into liking yourself more.
If a therapist recognizes this, and can do it, there is a chance they will turn your life around.
A patronising, dismissive and arrogant therapists will eventually erode your sense of self even more.
Why risk it? 7.
Are they a happy and fulfilled person? Are they living what they teach? After all, a therapist is a teacher, they are meant to teach you how to regain and then maintain your emotional and psychological wellbeing.
You may have to leave this question until you are already on their couch, but if they are not that content with their lives, run! Think about this: if you were to learn painting, would you want to be taught by someone who is a good painter as well as a good teacher? Or would you be happy to try to learn from someone who knows all the theory but can't paint? If your therapists turned her or his life into a beautiful work of art, follow them.
If they are miserable, stressed or unfulfilled, what do they have to offer? Choose a therapist that has knows how to live a meaningful and happy life and follow what they teach you.
Now you have a winner!